In a tweet posted at 3:31 AM on Tuesday, July 18th, the president revealed to the public that in the night, after too many of Trump Tower's taco bowls, the Presidential Porcelain had become clogged.
When questioned about the digestive health of the president, press secretary Sean Spicer said:
"We are all very confident that the President has a healthy digestive system, and that his dumps are considered to be great. We have some of the best gastroenterologists, and the scientific community in general I think would say the same. Any insinuation that the president does not maintain above par regularity in the bathroom is frankly unfounded, and is just another partisan attack on this administration."
Spicer was questioned about whether or not he has actually talked to the president about the consistency of his dumps, to which he replied, "I have not yet had the chance to discuss that with the president."
As the story broke, several experts in the field put out their comment on the explosive story, one plumber saying, "In order to clog 'Derriere Force 1,' he must have really drained the swamp into that mother."
The press was quick to dig deeper into the story, asking administration officials and spokespeople if they believe that the Russian dressing on his salad was involved in the volatile nature of the president's stomach, and therefore his bowel movement.
When contacted, almost all sources vehemently denied any knowledge of said dressing being in the President's salad.