Friends don't let friends order sushi with cream cheese. It's unacceptable.
A Philly roll is a type of sushi that consists of smoked salmon, cucumber and a dab of cream cheese. Now, I'm from the Philly area, I know how good cream cheese is. That doesn't stop the fact that it doesn't belong in my sushi roll. Ever.
A bagel with cream cheese, yes. Sign me the fuck up. That's the kind of breakfast I'm looking for. A bagel with some Philadelphia Kraft brand cream cheese is one of my go-to early morning meals.
However, cream cheese should never be near my delicious sushi.
Smoked salmon and cucumber? That's mouth-watering. Adding cream cheese? That's like adding turkey to my peanut butter and jelly. Gross. That's something no one should ever do.
Nothing screams sushi like Philadelphia, am I right? The cheesesteak capital of the world obviously goes hand-in-hand with the sushi world. What a combo.
I have an idea. If we do combine cream cheese with anything, you might as well make it Philly-related. I want Philly cream cheese covered all over my cheesesteak. Apparently that's a thing, and it makes my mouth water. Melted cream cheese over nicely grilled steak. Maybe sauteed with some onions? Hell yes. That's what the people need.
I feel bad for the Japanese chefs who spend years upon years working on their craft just to come to the states to poison their magic with cheese loaded in sodium and cholesterol. Typical day in Trump's America.
Let's just be normal. Tuna, salmon, shrimp, yellowtail, crab, maybe even some squid. All that sounds better than cream cheese. If you ask me, I have quite the solution. Forget cream cheese. Give me a little slab of mayonnaise. I would be all about that.
Leave cream cheese out of my sushi. If the words "Can I please order the the Philly roll" comes of out of your mouth, please get out of my life for good.