Why I'm Quitting Alcohol
College Life |  Source: missjussymo

Why I'm Quitting Alcohol

Moderation doesn't exist in my vocabulary.

I've never been a fan of moderation-- I'm an all-or-nothing type of girl. Unfortunately though, my extremist attitude does not spare alcohol.

Don't get me wrong-- I don't need to drink to have fun. I'm perfectly content to spend a night in with my friends and eat pizza while we laugh at stupid shit on the internet.

But when the plans involve alcohol, whether it's to go to a party/bar/club, I want to be drunk... and not just that buzzed "I can now talk to boys and dance with ease" feeling. More like the "tripping, head hung over the toilet, struggling to remember the details of the night before" type of drunk.

It began my freshman year of college with my equally insane best friend. We'd pregame hard (shitfaced by the time we left our dorm) and then go out and proceed to get even more wasted.

The next day we'd wake up still slightly drunk and laugh about the moments of the night we remembered, and joke about what could've happened during the parts we blacked out. We were "living it up," just being "young and dumb."

The cycle continued for a while, and was all fun and games, until these nights began to only cause shame. My drunken behavior was embarrassing, dangerous, and just downright stupid.

Predictably, I'd never even remember it. Either my friends would inform me the next day, or worse and ridiculously frequently, it'd get back to me through word of mouth.

I'd somehow become a sweet, mild-mannered, intellectual writer by day who transformed into a rambunctious, reckless, sloppy partier by night. It didn't matter how great of a person I was sober; the most important impression a person can make is the first one, and I was a perpetual fool throughout most of mine.

It's never been a matter of not knowing my limits. When alcohol is in my body, no matter how much or how little, all I want is more. I've tried the whole buzzed thing, and it's just never been fun; all I can think about is getting my hands on more alcohol to take me to that next level.

So for now, I'm better off by simply abstaining. The cons of drinking most definitely outweigh the pros, and I'm thankful I realized this before something irrevocably horrible could happen to me.

I'm taking my extremism to the complete opposite end of the spectrum. I have enough crazy stories to last a lifetime and I know I'll be incomparably happier and healthier from now on as Sober Sally.

I'm sure in a year when I'm finally legal, I'll drink a glass of wine in a restaurant, or pop open a beer at a barbecue, but at that time I won't be drinking for the sole reason of getting fucked up. I'll enjoy the alcohol for the taste, the experience, and for creating unforgettable memories with people who matter to me.

Image Alt
College Life |  Source: L. Smith, Shutterstock

Tips For Hitting The Bars On A Budget

Maximize the fun, minimize the financial regret.

Go in on the pregame with friends.
Every baller on a budget knows you can't hit the bars without pre-gaming.

Instead of just buying your own booze, have some friends chip in as well. If you're trying to pregame with fifteen people on a budget, try this Lemonade Hunch Punch Recipe: a handle of shitty vodka (Aristocrat), a thirty rack of shitty beer (Keystone Light), and three or four cans of frozen lemonade concentrate.

You won't taste the cheap alcohol at all, and it takes about one or two solo cups to get drunk off this stuff.

The best part? It only costs around forty-five dollars, so if everyone contributes a couple bucks, you and your friends can get wasted for cheap. Warning: this stuff will get you really drunk, so ya know, be responsible.


The worst game of pool ever.

Go to the bars that are best for you.
What do you prefer to do when you hit the bars? Whether you like socializing, dancing, or playing pool (see above), find the bars best suited for you. Maximizing your fun will keep you more in the moment and less focused on that hot bartender.

When choosing what bars you hit, ask yourself, "Would I like this place if I were sober?" If a bar is so shitty or boring that you have to be wasted to tolerate it, then you'll probably end up spending too much money on drinks.

...Maybe don't get that drunk?
If you pace yourself, you're more likely to get the most out of the night. If you must get drunk, make sure to pregame. Keep the pregame buzz going at the bar with shots.

Unless you pre-gamed with beer, don't start drinking beer at the bar.


Matt Wilkinson's bar tab after winning the Bells Beach surfing title.

Leave your credit card at home.
Use cash instead. Don't trust your drunk self to keep track of your credit card transactions. Just make sure you have safe transportation there and back as well as some cash in your wallet.

Have drunk food ready ahead of time.
You are going to get the drunchies. I personally think the best part about hitting the bars is coming back home to pig out. Delivery food can seem delightful when you obviously can't drive and probably can't cook, but it's a major threat to your budget. Plan ahead for your late-night drunchies if you're trying to hit the bars on a budget.

Image Alt
College Life |  Source: FlockU, Shutterstock

The Cinco De Drinko Game

A muy caliente drinking game to celebrate Cinco De Mayo.

Drinking tequila, margaritas, Corona, and Dos Equis to celebrate Cinco De Mayo is fun. Drinking it all to a Cinco De Mayo themed drinking game is funner.

Get into the spirit of Cinco De Mayo (and all of the wonderful parts of the fifth of May) by following along the rules to The Cinco De Drinko Game. I don't always do drinking games, but when I do it's this one. So, you should too, mis amigos.

1. Drink every time someone corrects another person for pronouncing pi?a "pee-na" instead of "pee-ny-ah."

2. Take a shot every time someone reminisces about Spring Break in Mexico.

3. Take a sip whenever someone mistakenly believes Cinco De Mayo is Mexico's Independence Day.

4. Cheers anyone who pronounces Mexico as "Meh-he-coh."

5. Drink anytime someone starts a tangent about the worm in the tequila bottle you can eat.

6. Drink any time you watch someone do a tequila body shot.

7. Finish your drink whenever you watch someone do a "Man Tequila Shot."

8. Drink if you hear someone refer to Jose Cuervo as just Jose. Take another shot if that person refers to Jose as their boyfriend. Take yet another shot if this person is wearing a shirt that refers to Jose, of Jose Cuervo, as their boyfriend.

9, Everyone drink if two non-native Spanish speakers are able to maintain a five-minute conversation all in Spanish.

10. Drink whenever someone brags that they have the absolute best Mexican food back in their hometown. Take a shot if they use "dankest" to describe it.

11. Take the drink out of anyone's hand who uses this holiday as an opportunity to joke about Trump's Wall, explain why it's not funny, and then call them an asshole. If you watch this happen, buy the person who called out the fool a drink.

12. Take a drink anytime someone says "tilde", referring to the accent mark.

13. Sip anytime you watch someone double dip in the guacamole. Take a shot if you spot actual fingers in the guacamole. Make the double dipper sip and the finger guy take a shot too.

14. Drink anytime you watch a girl ask for a photo of her drinking Corona for the Insta.

15. Take a large gulp whenever you see someone with a fake mustache. Take a shot for anyone who groomed a real mustache for the occasion.

16. Drink anytime someone complains because they got lime juice or salt in their eyes or a cut.

17. Toast to anyone who calls out a person for being racially insensitive.

18. Drink anytime someone says "Cancun" or "Pi?ata".

19. Take a sip anytime someone shortens margaritas to "margs".

20. Demand a drink from anyone who pronounces gracias "grath-ee-us" and then shout, "We're celebrating Mexico, not Spain, you try-hard!"

21. Drink anytime you hear someone talk about playing FIFA with a Mexican player.

22. Drink anytime someone tries to pass off casually saying their numbers in Spanish (and in a non-ironic way).

23. Drink whenever someone references Once Upon a Time in Mexico, Machete or Nacho Libre.

24. At each hour on the hour, take a sip for every sombrero you see.

25. Take a drink anytime you hear someone complain that Chipotle isn't real Mexican food.

Image Alt
College Life |  Source: N. Leeper, Shutterstock

5 Ways To Sneak Alcohol Anywhere

'Cause who likes to be sober...?

Ever been at a school event and thought, "Man, I could really use a drink right now."

Unfortunately, schools aren't really as liberal with their alcohol policies as they are with other things, so you're mostly out of luck. Until you met me, that is.

For all of you degenerates out there, here's a list of five ways to sneak alcohol into anything (and bring it anywhere and everywhere).

1. Empty Sunscreen Bottle
You will definitely be getting the judgmental side-eye from people while drinking out of a sunscreen bottle, but hey who cares, you'll be drunk.

2. Soda Can Sleeve
For this genius trick, cut the top and bottom off of a soda can, then cut it in half and slip it over your beer can! Or, if you're just too lazy for that, you can fill an empty soda can with beer, wine, or a mixed drink and be on your merry way.

3. The Sneaky Sandwich
This idea is pretty simple. All you need is a loaf of bread, and a water bottle full of your favorite liquor. Hollow out the loaf and stick your bottle in there and you're good to go.

4. Baggy Clothes Trick
This one is pretty self-explanatory - just wear a baggy jersey or sweatshirt and stick beer cans in the waist of your pants! They might get a little warm, but hey warm beer is better than no beer.

5. Tampon Flasks
For the cost of $9.98 you can get tampon flasks! They fit perfectly in your purse, are easy to fill, and they look exactly like real tampons. Sorry boys, this one's not for you, unless you're willing to be outright j-u-d-g-e-d.

Image Alt
College Life |  Source: N. Leeper

#BestBootAndRallyStory Hoedown Throwdown


Study abroad is for making memories, traveling the world and engaging with a different country's culture.

Many times, people also use it as an excuse to get really, really, really drunk. A lot.

I myself was by no means a party prude, though I do luckily retain most of my memories of Sydney, Australia. I spent a lot of times in bars and clubs, and managed to duck the "tac yak," as the Australian students I lived with called it, or the tactical yak. The boot and rally. You get the drill.

I lived in the Australian equivalent of a dorm (which was actually way more badass than the ones here) with other students, mostly first-year Australian kids. The drinking age there is 18, and these kids were just getting away from home for the first time. Naturally, shit got wild.

The dorm threw what was lovingly referred to as the "Hoedown Throwdown." They really took any chance they got to throw dorm-sponsored parties (I am totally not complaining). It was like a fun parody of the American Wild West, with free drinks!

Not that we didn't provide our own, too.

There was a mechanical bull, some bales of hay, a moon bounce - so many things to endanger the drunken student who we took mad advantage of.

We were also required to start drinking at 7a.m. As in, the RAs woke you up to drink with everybody on your floor. You had a choice, but did you reallllllly?

Let me tell you something about 7a.m. pong - I was way better at it than 1a.m. pong. A lovely night's four-hour rest does you wonders.

As the Aussies like to say, I was pissed (their slang for drunk) by nine. The drinking songs rang out for hours.

"Here's to annoyingvegan, she's true blue, she's a piss-pot through and through, she's a bastard so they say. She tried to go to heaven but she went the other way! She went down, down, down, down, down" and it continues until you crush that drink entirely. It's badass.

Anyways, fast forward a few hours of hanging outside with friends, rolling around on the moonbounce (let's be honest, nobody was jumping) and then it strikes. That creepy-crawly feeling in your stomach. The immediate thought of "Oh, no."

You could probably hold it back, but why not go and get it over with and get back to drinking? It was clearly the responsible decision.

I felt like Solid Snake slinking around for my tac yak, my boot and rally, whatever you want to call it, seeking to go undetected as I returned to the festivities. I ducked behind walls, stealth rolled (not really) and did whatever I could to avoid detection.

It was in that moment that I felt the pang of shame. Was I that weak? I'd always prided myself in almost never blacking out or throwing up, and here I was, a tac yakker of all things trying to hide what I did.

I walked back outside to find my friends. As we sat down to drink together again, random people I never even talked to would stumble by to tell me about their tac yaks. For some reason, Australians love telling you that they just threw up. Like, all of the time.

Wow, I thought. It isn't just me today. That makes me feel so much better about myself as a human being.

I finished my beer and thought a moment as another girl swayed in front of the table, explaining her boot and rally to us. I could relate to her, do the Australian thing like everybody else, clap her on the back and say, "Me too, girl, I just had a quick tac yak earlier."

Instead, I just smiled up at her and at my friends. "Damn, " I said, "That sucks. I would hate yakking today."


Image Alt
College Life |  Source: Anitta Rozhkova

How To Stay Safe At Parties

It's all fun and games 'till someone gets hurt.

Going to parties seems to be packaged into the "college experience". It's something every college student is expected to be doing at least a few times a semester. Partying can be fun, but it can quickly turn dangerous. Safety is a must, so these are some tips to help keep you safe at parties.

Go to parties with a group of friends.
Parties can be a great way to socialize and meet new people, but it's important to have a trusted group of friends there with you. There's always safety in numbers, but it's even more important to go with people you know well. Going to a party with someone you met only a few days before can potentially be dangerous. Going with close friends can provide you with a security blanket.

You can still meet new people and socialize at the party and close friends will take notice if you suddenly disappear or begin acting strangely. They will keep an eye out for you, and you can keep an eye out for them. This is something you especially want to do if drugs or alcohol may be involved at the party.

Know you don't need alcohol or drugs to have a good time.
Going to a party doesn't mean you are required to drink, smoke, or do drugs. Drinking and doing drugs can impair your senses and make you more vulnerable. You can still have a good time while being completely sober.

If you are underage and caught drinking you could receive fines, probation, and community service, all depending on the state. If you are of legal drinking age, you can still receive fines for distributing alcohol to minors. It can be a lot easier simply not having to worry about it.

If you are going to drink, drink in moderation and guard your beverages.
People will drink at college parties. It happens often. If you want to be one of them, make sure you drink in moderation and never leave your drink unattended. Always refill your own drink and if you lose sight of your glass, get a new one.

Trust your gut and always play on the safe side. There are even drink testing kits available that are desecrate and easy to use. Make sure that you have a preplanned designated driver set within the group you come with. Any alcohol or drugs can impair your abilities to drive, so it is safer to have a planned driver ahead of time.

Get an Uber or call a friend if you have to.
If your designated driver falls through or you ended up drinking after not thinking you would, do not risk getting behind the wheel. Don't be afraid to call someone or an Uber to come pick you up.

It would be better to mildly inconvenience a friend than put yourself and the people around you at risk. Do not get in a car with someone you suspect has been drinking or doing drugs.

Always be alert and ready to defend yourself.
You never know what can happen, and it's always safer to be prepared rather than taken off guard. Pepper spray is small and can fit into pockets, can be easy to buy, and can come in different shapes such as pen-shaped and lipstick-shaped.

Carrying pepper spray can make you feel more secure because you know you will have a way to defend yourself if things go south. Stay close to a group of friends so you will be less likely to find yourself in these types of situations to begin with.

If you feel unsafe, it's ok to leave.
Do not let anyone pressure you into staying in a situation you do not feel safe in. It is OK to leave the party early if you feel uncomfortable.

However, if you want to leave make sure you are able to make it home safely. Your safety is always top priority.

Even though every party is not dangerous, there is always a chance. It is important to stay alert and have your best interest at mind. If you are going to party, party safely. Have fun and be safe!