Our generation doesn't date. We "talk"," hangout", "Snapchat", "Netflix and chill", but we don't date. Today, if you are interested or attracted to someone there is very little face to face interaction.
You might follow them on one or more social media platforms, like their photos and posts, and possibly slide into their DMs, get their Snapchat, or get their phone number... as opposed to just going up to them and asking them out. Of course, that can be very nerve-racking and awkward, and rejection always sucks. However, it's genuine, and can absolutely work in your favor.
That type of dating is normal, and it's the way it used to be before this wave of new technology we have today. Why? Because you had no other choice! There wasn't a constant stream of communication. You could call someone, but other than that you were face to face, and we should go back to this.
There are many problems that arise with our non-dating generation. People will be "talking", which is a title or status now, as opposed to just dating. "Talking" is exactly what it sounds like, though-- people talk over text and Snapchat or whatever it may be, and they rarely hang out.
The problem is, you don't really get to know someone too well until you're together in person several times, and even then it's questionable. After that, you start to get the sense of who they really are and whether you like them or not.
The issue is if you don't like them, which is totally fine and normal, you're an asshole. You apparently led them on, and shouldn't have started "talking" to them in the first place. But how are you supposed to know whether you like someone and want to be exclusive until you really get to know them?
People are attracted to each other, it's human and only natural. But that doesn't mean you're soulmates and meant to be together. That's why people date, to better get to know the person. Maybe things will work out, and if they do, that's awesome, but if they don't, it's not a big deal. You just don't click on that level and that's fine.
We need to go back to dating. It doesn't have to be some big extravagant, well planned date, but what ever happened to a simple game of mini golf and some ice cream after? Maybe a walk in the park? Dating is genuine and personable. If things don't work out, it's fine. That's what dating is for!
Expiration dating: [v.] to date someone with an end date in sight (i.e. graduation, moving away, etc.)
This isn't my first rodeo dating someone with the end in sight. I did it in high school... twice. But for some reason, this time it's different. Maybe I'm more mature, maybe this particular guy is more mature. It's a calm, normal, incredibly happy, and fun relationship. No drama. No games.
No talk of our tragic demise. It could not be going better. When he walked in my life, I truly was reminded--or maybe taught--what a healthy relationship felt like. And as quickly as I found one, I'm going to lose one. In eight weeks.
Once I did this in high school, it was heart-wrenching. We started dating a month before school let out. All nighters to cherish the time we had left, a dramatic cross-country road trip, the tragic notion we'd make it work at colleges six hours apart, talk of marriage and fate and soulmates.
Everything about it was maladaptive. At the time, though, I was on board. Lotta tears and a lotta mixtapes. (The mixtapes are dope, though. I still drive to that shit.)
The other time I expiration dated was the opposite. It was quietly understood and never discussed. His mom would talk about the rides she and I would take up to Bumblefuck, Vt. to visit him and watch his games.
He and I would reply with a silence that spoke for itself. At a mention of the future, we'd both run away with our tails between our legs. It would've never worked for us. So, we never acknowledged it. And when school ended, so did we.
I've seen two extremes, but now I'm somewhere in the middle. It's amazing. I'm smiling all the time, going on adventures, learning about someone else and, even learning about myself. But even during the other extremes, I still think it was better than a real relationship and break up. I guess I'm trying to sell you on the idea that this is the best way to date. (Maybe, I'm trying to sell myself.)
Think about it. Every person you date you will either break up with or marry. So most dating is sort of "expiration-dating" - you just don't know when it'll expire. It's like a silent, ticking time bomb just waiting to suddenly shatter your entire existence. Instead of a truly personal and devastating breakup, or having to break someone's heart yourself, you can have a planned and mutual ending.
How often do relationships actually end civilly? This is a nice change from that. There are no hard feelings, just a sort of mutual heartbreak you suffer through together. You know it had to be this way. It's nice.
I'm not saying to go out of your way to start dating with graduation around the corner. I'm just saying don't avoid it, either. So many people I know have feelings for someone who is leaving--or is leaving him or herself--and just think nah, nevermind. I won't bother. But give in. (What do you have to lose?)
There are no games; you don't have the time wait around for a text or ignore someone for a weekend to seem "disinterested". You'll be honest about what you want and so will they. Have the graduation talk once. That's it. And then don't let that change how you act with him or her.
The poet Alfred Lord Tennyson coined the famous phrase, "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I guess that's what I'm getting at. You don't go into a normal relationship with the thought of the relationship's demise, even though, statistically, you'll probably break up.
So go into expiration dating the same way. Don't think about it. Just enjoy it. We take loved ones for granted; this way, you won't.
P.S. Listen to Bob Dylan's Blood on the Tracks. It's full of expiration dating songs: You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go,Simple Twist of Fate, and [my favorite song ever] If You See Her, Say Hello. Hank Moody called it "the classic heartbreak album."
Dating in college is way different than dating in high school. It takes more patience and effort, because it's another thing to juggle along with class, work, and friends. The key is to have a lax attitude towards dating. Stay cool and don't overthink it.
Don't make dating your primary focus in college. There are so many more important things to focus on during those four precious years. Invest your time in getting good grades, meeting new people and socializing, being active in extracurriculars, and scoring internships, not how to be in a long distance relationship in college - or a relationship with someone at your school.
Having an SO in college can be great, but it can also be a huge distraction. Don't be the idiot who skips class because you want to stay in bed and cuddle. Or the idiot who leaves your school every weekend to visit your SO and misses everything.
Take things slow and let relationships happen more naturally in college. We're all busy, so no one has time to play stupid games and deal with drama. The most successful college relationships that I know of began as friendships, and gradually became something more.
Knowing who to date is as important as knowing how to date in college. It's probably wise to stay away from people who go out and party every night, especially if they pressure you into doing the same. You should also know what type of partner you are in a relationship, and what you need from your partner.
If you're someone who needs more frequent attention or wants to constantly be texting your SO, don't start dating someone who is always busy, holed away in the library studying, and unable to hang out often. That's a recipe for disaster.
Go for people you meet through extracurriculars and clubs. It's a good strategy because you probably already know them, and you already have a mutual interest. It's easy to strike up a conversation when you know you're both interested and invested in the same activity.
Be upfront if you're interested in someone. In college, it's not uncommon to exchange numbers with new people you meet, hang out with new people on your floor, and meet up for lunch. These are just casual signs of friendship, so if you want more than that, you've gotta show it.
Be confident and ask someone out somewhere. You can start slow by inviting someone to an on-campus event, or to a concert or art show. Anything with a set time, date, and place are good so that you can weed out the losers who are going to flake on you.
College dating culture varies between schools, but across the board, it's generally more low-key than high school dating. The less you stress over it, the better off you'll be.
Perhaps at some point you'll become the kind of girl who needs the security of exclusivity, which is fine. (I guess.) But some guys are just bad news by definition.
So unless you want your heart broken, your grades affected, or to come home to your boo banging your roommate, I suggest you stay away from the following archetypes.
The guy with a hot girl best friend
Famous last words from the guy you're dating: "Oh you don't have to worry about her, we're just friends." And even if it turns out to be nothing, you'll definitely resent her the entire time you're dating.
Sounds great, right? A hot guy grading your exams, definitely sounds like some quid pro quo could be involved, very Serena van der Woodsen of you.
Until you break up, or he gets jealous of your study buddy, and suddenly that test you spent 10 hours cramming for has dropped your grade 5 percent. Do yourself and your GPA a favor and just stay away.
The guy in a top fraternity
Sure, he's hot, funny, and probably fucks like a champ, but you really expect him to be loyal when he's constantly surrounded by girls that make you look in the mirror and wonder if you're even female? Oh honey, you're just begging to get fucked over.
Nothing says "I can't wait for this year to be over" quite like living with your ex. If there's a lease involved, you two shouldn't be hooking up. Period.
Your best guy friend
The idea of dating your best friend seems so great from every rom-com and sitcom we've ever seen. Half the time this works out perfectly and you get married with a white picket fence and 2.5 children. The other half you end up resenting each other afterward and tearing your friend group apart. Either way, that shit is terrifying.
I've been lucky that the worst thing to happen to me on a first date was when I completely wiped out and took out a small child at a roller rink in front of my date. Embarrassing in the moment, but truly mild compared to some other stories that *bless their souls* people have shared on twitter with the hashtag #WorstFirstDates.
Call me a sadist, but #WorstFirstDates is probably one of the best hashtags out there. If you're ever feeling down about being single or think your date didn't go "perfectly," just scroll through some of these nightmare tweets and you'll feel better in no time.
1. When you thought you finally found your new workout partner...
#WorstFirstDate I thought he was into fitness because he had on an ankle weight. He was actually on parole and it was an ankle monitor.
Love is in the autumn air! Naturally, as the leaves start to change, cuffing season begins. Other than the chilly nights, what else has this time of year filled with relationships? Well, it's the opportunities for awesome dates.
Sure, summer would seem great for this as well with all the sun and fun, but the truth is we would rather darty than snuggle in the summer. When seasons change, so do relationship statuses.
Some of my favorite fall dates include produce. Tis the season for apple orchards and pumpkin patches. Having someone to join in on the cheesiness of enjoying a glass of red wine and collecting a basket full of apples is exactly what we need.
The date continues when you take your freshly picked produce and bake pies, brew ciders, or carve silly faces. This date has the potential to go from wine to dine to unwind real fast, ending with a Netflix and chill on the couch.
Fall Festivals are EVERYWHERE. There are tractor rides, fall beer tastings, 5K's, and music galore. Summer may be over, but winter hasn't arrived yet, so we still have nights where bae's arm around us will keep us warm enough.
You can celebrate holidays like Oktoberfest and Halloween together. On the other hand, you can be do-gooders and participate in awareness events for breast cancer and pulmonary hypertension.
Last, but CERTAINLY not least, the weekends don't have to be a constant "on-the-go" like your summer days. You have your new S.O. to stay in with you, drink pumpkin spice lattes, and turn on some Sunday football.
Make appetizers together and invite friends and family over for game days. The reason we find it so easy to settle down this time of year is because the opportunity to snuggle up is so perfect. From adorable Instagrams to nights in avoiding the cold, it's definitely time to shut up and cuff up.