Our generation doesn't date. We "talk"," hangout", "Snapchat", "Netflix and chill", but we don't date. Today, if you are interested or attracted to someone there is very little face to face interaction.
You might follow them on one or more social media platforms, like their photos and posts, and possibly slide into their DMs, get their Snapchat, or get their phone number... as opposed to just going up to them and asking them out. Of course, that can be very nerve-racking and awkward, and rejection always sucks. However, it's genuine, and can absolutely work in your favor.
That type of dating is normal, and it's the way it used to be before this wave of new technology we have today. Why? Because you had no other choice! There wasn't a constant stream of communication. You could call someone, but other than that you were face to face, and we should go back to this.
There are many problems that arise with our non-dating generation. People will be "talking", which is a title or status now, as opposed to just dating. "Talking" is exactly what it sounds like, though-- people talk over text and Snapchat or whatever it may be, and they rarely hang out.
The problem is, you don't really get to know someone too well until you're together in person several times, and even then it's questionable. After that, you start to get the sense of who they really are and whether you like them or not.
The issue is if you don't like them, which is totally fine and normal, you're an asshole. You apparently led them on, and shouldn't have started "talking" to them in the first place. But how are you supposed to know whether you like someone and want to be exclusive until you really get to know them?
People are attracted to each other, it's human and only natural. But that doesn't mean you're soulmates and meant to be together. That's why people date, to better get to know the person. Maybe things will work out, and if they do, that's awesome, but if they don't, it's not a big deal. You just don't click on that level and that's fine.
We need to go back to dating. It doesn't have to be some big extravagant, well planned date, but what ever happened to a simple game of mini golf and some ice cream after? Maybe a walk in the park? Dating is genuine and personable. If things don't work out, it's fine. That's what dating is for!
Mhm. Jonathan Toews. Sid the Kid. Lundqvist. CAREY PRICE. If the NHL doesn't convince you that they're just the hottest breed of guy, here's a few more reasons to get you to switch teams. (From baseball to hockey, that is.)
1. Lettuce. Ugh, that long hair. You know what I mean, ladies. You can literally tell a guy is a hockey player by his haircut--and probable facial hair. I'm about it.
2. Speaking of lettuce, their slang. Muck. Beauty. Wheels. Lettuce. How the fuck do they come up with this stuff? Dating a hockey player will definitely expand your vocabulary.
3. They can take a hit. I am so tired of bitchy dudes. Maybe this is sexist--I'm not sure--but I just can't deal with another soft guy. Hockey players are the toughest out there. They're like football players, but they actually have brains.
4. They know about... love. I always joke, "I wish I loved anything as much as hockey players love hockey." But it's true. They are SO committed, loyal, and frankly, in love with their sport. The attitude carries over into relationships.
5. Hockey itself is dope. If you date a guy who plays, you'll be watching a lot of hockey. That's what I do anyways...
6. Their insults are HILARIOUS. Or "chirps." They make up some hilarious slew of insults and throw "bud" on the end of it. Amazing.
7. Speaking of chirps, they can fight. It'd probably never come to this, but you know that he could totally kick the shit out of someone if you needed him to. Hot.
8. They're the oldest kids at college. Years of juniors have made hockey players older than the rest of their grades. As freshmen, most of them can buy booze; that's enough to date one.
9. They have fun. Maybe too much fun, which is problematic if you're trying to wife one up. But they're a blast and their friends are, too. They're never too serious about anything. It's cute. These big, manly men are kinda stuck in boyhood.
10. GEAR. You're gonna steal your boyfriend's jersey no matter what, so why not have the coolest kind: hockey jerseys. It's always dope. DID I MENTION YOU CAN WEAR IT TO THEIR GAMES?!
11. They could end up in the NHL. Lock 'em down before that, you know? Being a NHL wife would just be so cool. I'm pretty sure wife health care benefits include shit like laser hair removal and tanning.
All athletes are pretty cool; hockey players, though, are the coolest. Now that you know WHY to DATE one, you just gotta figure out how. Hmmm. I'll figure it out and get back to you. #tinder
Maybe you've hit something of a dry spell. Maybe your friends are tired of hearing your whining. Maybe things have become so desperate you finally agree to meet your Grandma's friend's co-worker's great niece who also happens to go to your school.
Whatever the origin story, the facts are the same: you are about to go on a date with someone you've never even fucking met. Fear not! Mr. Hanks is here to walk you through it.
The Rude Awakening -Captain Phillips Your love life has been hijacked. You are no longer making the decisions, and it's definitely a little scary. Things might go terribly, terribly wrong. But it's out of your hands. Your buddies sit you down, grab your phone, and text the girl from your phone saying you can't wait to meet her.
Waiting for the Response - Cast Away Fucking Greg! Did he have to use so many emojis? No wonder she isn't answering, you seem like a try-hard loser. Maybe you should send her another text? Maybe you should call her? Maybe you should delete her number? You have all of these thoughts racing through your mind and making you feel like a crazy person. Find a volleyball and talk this shit out.
The Initial Texting - Sleepless in Seattle This girl is funny! You guys are killing the flirty banter and you are excited to go out with her. Are you starting to fall for a girl that you still haven't technically met? Tom and Meg would approve!
The Date - Forrest Gump You're nervous and simple and maybe spend too much time talking about your mom. You try and tell her all of your best stories, you offer her chocolates, and you eat a lot of shrimp. This is the moment it's all been building to! Be yourself.
So you scored a first date, maybe using a dating, like Tinder, or the newest kid on the block, Spotlight. When it comes to sparking conversation on the first date, there are a lot of things you have to consider. You don't want to come across too nosey, but you want to be able to form intelligent, relevant, and complete sentences. After all, first impressions are everything.
First of all, you'll want to choose a great atmosphere and ambiance. If you're more comfortable with lunch over dinner on a first date, then choose a well-lit, local favorite. If you're the type of person who isn't comfortable eating in front of someone on the first date, a coffee shop is always the perfect go-to. If getting a little tipsy will comfort you, appetizers and a glass of wine will do the job. Just make sure you stick to a 1-2 glass limit before you become a loud, over-sharing sloptart.
To a certain extent, people love to talk about themselves. It's great to ask questions, especially open-ended questions that have the power to lead to one thing after the other. It's always polite to ask how they like their food, but be prepared to follow-up with things that result in more than a, "good, and yours?" Make sure you are acting genuinely interested in their responses by making eye contact and bouncing off of what they say.
Getting to know someone is a slow process, because the ultimate goal is always to lead to more dates to do so. Use your good judgement to know when a topic may be too sensitive or have gone too far. A great rule to have in order to allow this to happen is to listen more than you talk. It will allow them to tell you what they want to tell you without being intimidated or backed into a corner.
Finally, I've compiled a list of questions that are first-date-worthy and proven to get the ball rolling between the two of you:
1. What's your favorite place you've traveled to? 2. What's a good movie you've seen recently? 3. What's your career goal? 4. Where did you grow up? (What were you like as a kid?) 5. Favorite way to spend a Saturday/Sunday? 6. Where do you and your friends usually go on the weekends? 7. What's your major? 8. Are you into any Netflix shows recently? 9. What's your favorite concert you've ever been to? 10. If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? (Good follow up for asking how they like their food) 11. Do you have any siblings? 12. Where else are you considering living? 13. What's on your bucket list? 14. Do you have any fun plans this weekend? 15. When's your birthday? 16. Can I split the check with you? (Let me at least leave the tip!)
By the end (or maybe sooner), you'll have a feel for whether there will be a next date or not. No matter what, always stay interested and polite, because you never know what will come out of it. If this isn't Prince Charming, maybe you'll become good friends, or at least good first date practice!
Expiration dating: [v.] to date someone with an end date in sight (i.e. graduation, moving away, etc.)
This isn't my first rodeo dating someone with the end in sight. I did it in high school... twice. But for some reason, this time it's different. Maybe I'm more mature, maybe this particular guy is more mature. It's a calm, normal, incredibly happy, and fun relationship. No drama. No games.
No talk of our tragic demise. It could not be going better. When he walked in my life, I truly was reminded--or maybe taught--what a healthy relationship felt like. And as quickly as I found one, I'm going to lose one. In eight weeks.
Once I did this in high school, it was heart-wrenching. We started dating a month before school let out. All nighters to cherish the time we had left, a dramatic cross-country road trip, the tragic notion we'd make it work at colleges six hours apart, talk of marriage and fate and soulmates.
Everything about it was maladaptive. At the time, though, I was on board. Lotta tears and a lotta mixtapes. (The mixtapes are dope, though. I still drive to that shit.)
The other time I expiration dated was the opposite. It was quietly understood and never discussed. His mom would talk about the rides she and I would take up to Bumblefuck, Vt. to visit him and watch his games.
He and I would reply with a silence that spoke for itself. At a mention of the future, we'd both run away with our tails between our legs. It would've never worked for us. So, we never acknowledged it. And when school ended, so did we.
I've seen two extremes, but now I'm somewhere in the middle. It's amazing. I'm smiling all the time, going on adventures, learning about someone else and, even learning about myself. But even during the other extremes, I still think it was better than a real relationship and break up. I guess I'm trying to sell you on the idea that this is the best way to date. (Maybe, I'm trying to sell myself.)
Think about it. Every person you date you will either break up with or marry. So most dating is sort of "expiration-dating" - you just don't know when it'll expire. It's like a silent, ticking time bomb just waiting to suddenly shatter your entire existence. Instead of a truly personal and devastating breakup, or having to break someone's heart yourself, you can have a planned and mutual ending.
How often do relationships actually end civilly? This is a nice change from that. There are no hard feelings, just a sort of mutual heartbreak you suffer through together. You know it had to be this way. It's nice.
I'm not saying to go out of your way to start dating with graduation around the corner. I'm just saying don't avoid it, either. So many people I know have feelings for someone who is leaving--or is leaving him or herself--and just think nah, nevermind. I won't bother. But give in. (What do you have to lose?)
There are no games; you don't have the time wait around for a text or ignore someone for a weekend to seem "disinterested". You'll be honest about what you want and so will they. Have the graduation talk once. That's it. And then don't let that change how you act with him or her.
The poet Alfred Lord Tennyson coined the famous phrase, "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I guess that's what I'm getting at. You don't go into a normal relationship with the thought of the relationship's demise, even though, statistically, you'll probably break up.
So go into expiration dating the same way. Don't think about it. Just enjoy it. We take loved ones for granted; this way, you won't.
P.S. Listen to Bob Dylan's Blood on the Tracks. It's full of expiration dating songs: You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go,Simple Twist of Fate, and [my favorite song ever] If You See Her, Say Hello. Hank Moody called it "the classic heartbreak album."
How to Pick the Best Date for Your Greek Date Party
Friend > S.O.
If you're in Greek life, you are well aware that date parties are highly-anticipated events throughout the semester. But how much fun you have at a date party depends on a lot of various factors: like what you pick to drink, what group of friends you plan on going with, and the venue. But none of these factors are as important to the evening as who you bring as your date. Here are a few things to remember when picking who is lucky enough to accompany you to your next function.
When given the choice, choose the friend route. In all of my date party experiences throughout college, choosing a friend to be my date instead of a guy I was romantically interested in has always produced a better outcome. Reason being, when you take a person who has been your friend for a while to a party, there is little to no pressure. You don't have to stress about making small talk at dinner or worry that they won't have a good time. Plus, taking pictures with your friend as your date guarantees that picture will still matter to you in a year. Whereas if you take a boyfriend or girlfriend, you might not be together later on down the road and the memory of that evening is now tainted with your ex.
Pick someone who goes with the flow. Take someone who understands that the night is yours, and they are lucky to be a part of it. Obviously you want your date to have a good time, but they should also want the same for you. Take a date who understands their title of "guest" and who doesn't try to be the star of the night.
Someone who respects themselves. Ultimately, your date represents you for that one evening. So if he/she acts poorly, you're the one who has to answer for it the next day. My guy friends have told me several times that they always take girls to their functions who they know will respect themselves, their date, and the venue. Nothing ruins a good night like having to get kicked out of a function because your date couldn't handle his/her alcohol. In college you can get super drunk any night of the week, pick a date who will refrain from binge drinking for your special night.
Take a date that will fit in with the group. There is nothing more awkward than those couples at date parties who stand by themselves talking one-on-one the entire night. You want to pick a date that can not only communicate and have a good time with you, but also your friends. Pick someone extroverted who you know will be comfortable holding a conversation without you.
Date parties and functions in general can go really well--or really, really badly. But by keeping these few points in mind the next time your house has a function, you will find yourself having a memorable night with both your friends and your date--without the awkward silences, arguments or puking.