What Defines An Individual?
Real Talk |  Source: N. Leeper, Shutterstock

What Defines An Individual?

Is the Myers Briggs Test better at revealing your personality than your zodiac sign?

Before anybody starts yelling at me about pseudo-science or anything, I would love to preface this by acknowledging that both the zodiac and the Myers Briggs personality test (or the 16 personalities test) are more for funsies than real-world applications.

With that out of the way, I would love to ask: which is the better pseudo-science?

Horoscopes and the zodiac in general are based on birth date (and if you're super into it, the time and place for moon signs, rising signs... it goes on). I am totally a Pisces, although the zodiac changes have switched me to an Aquarius, which I have decided to completely reject and ignore because it does not fit at all.

I used to check my horoscope every day, though somewhat dubiously while still simultaneously whispering, "Wow, that's really accurate."

Then I really looked at what I was reading. Those things are so vague.

"You will encounter conflict today." Yeah, OK, but where? Getting mad at another driver while commuting to my internship? Trying to decide what I want to eat later? No kidding I'm encountering conflict, I do every day in such trivial things. Anybody could say that.

That's when I stopped checking my horoscope. I was like, "Hey, wait a minute, these are so vague that they'd obviously be applicable to anybody" (though the romance ones were always hilariously wrong). I still totally feel my Pisces profile, but horoscopes themselves are kind of useless to me. What am I really gaining from them?

I took the Myers Briggs test a little while ago and got INFJ. Cue the entire "wow, this is so me" thought process all over again.

Yes, I did, in fact, do this a second time.

While my zodiac sign fits me perfectly, there's something kind of weird in assuming somebody's entire personality based on when they were born. It makes more sense to take an entire test, rightIn a sense, yeah. You're actually answering based on how you feel, rather than having it pre-determined for you.

However, on the flip side, there's not always a ton of consistency in it. While the zodiac is relatively (I'm still pretending the change didn't happen) consistent, you can definitely change up some answers on the personality test depending on how you feel and get a different type entirely.

I feel like I understand how I interact with people more clearly with the Myers Briggs test, and that it describes me more based on my actual personality and answers to the test. People seem to buy into it more than astrology, too.

On the flip side, I could possibly take it now and get a totally different typecast, while I'm a Pisces forever.

What's the verdict? You gotta freak what you feel, because both are equally debatable... and people will definitely debate.

Image Alt
Real Talk |  Source: FlockU, Shutterstock

Awkward Sexual Situations You'll Experience Based On Your Zodiac Sign

You use acne cream instead of lube.

Aquarius
You sneeze and orgasm at the same time and snot gets all over your partner. Like this was during a sinus infection. It's yellow. It's green. It's mean.

Pisces
You accidentally FaceTime a friend. And the angle is just so bad. Like its just full on ass. They just see right up the money hole and then they scream, which scares you, and then you fall, and make a mess, and it's just not good.

Aries
You use acne cream instead of lube.

Taurus
Fluid gets in your eye and for some reason it stings like a motherfucker. So you have to stop and go to the student health center and it is the most awkward experience of your entire life.

Gemini
You moan so loudly that campus security barges into your dorm and finds you there, just copulating on the floor. For some reason you and your partner are covered in whipped cream. It's bittersweet to say the least.

Cancer
You have sex by a candle and accidentally knock it over. Your basic-ass college wooden desk catches on fire, but even worse is that the melted wax looks just really wrong all on your floor. One might call it a sticky situation.

Leo
You fall off the bed and get concussed. Yes, I know that is anticlimactic, but not everything has to be something, Leo.

Virgo
You fart insanely loudly and fear that it's actually a shart. It's wet. It's moist. You shudder.

Libra
You have shower sex and you don't realize that your partner is slightly drowning under the stream of water and it just goes downhill from there. You have to do that resuscitation shit. And then that's not working, so you have to call a friend. It's bad. But, don't worry - your partner is all good... but still.

Scorpio
You have sex in a chair and then a leg breaks. However, this leads you to having wondrous sex in one of those fake rooms in Ikea while you and your partner look for a new chair.

Sagittarius
You have sex in a car and a lock of your hair gets stuck in the car door and rips out. It's gnarly, but you were planning on getting a haircut anyways, so it's not the end of the world.

Capricorn
You are in an orgy. Don't ask. And you accidentally start hooking up with your TA or RA.

Image Alt
Real Talk |  Source: Source: mbocast

The 5 Stages of Caring About Politics in College

Stage one: I know jack shit about politics.

It's time. After sitting on the sidelines for years, you're finally able to cast a vote in the upcoming presidential election. Your parents, your teachers, and your drunk uncle at Thanksgiving have all told you how important it is to participate in the political process, and maybe it's that you just binged an unhealthy amount of House of Cards, but politics has suddenly piqued your interest.

Here are the five stages you'll experience as a new political enthusiast.

Stage 1: It dawns on you that you know jack shit about politics.

Even though it's been all over the news, you haven't absorbed anything. You're vaguely aware of Donald Trump, but that's about it. You have no clue what a caucus is, you assume a superdelegate is the new Marvel movie, and you're pretty sure SCOTUS is that nasty rash your friend caught on spring break. You don't want to ask your douchey poly-sci major friend. And you know you couldn't make it through a single debate, but you've got to find a place to figure out what's going on. This leads you to...

Stage 2: The Facebook Plunge

You've avoided Facebook all election season, and with good reason. Your feed is flooded with Donald Trump or raw chicken memes, Ted Cruz lookalikes, and many, many Hillary pantsuit jokes.

You take a deep breath, and open the app. Your eyes glaze over as it all hits you at once; every crackpot theory, every random fact. Some people think Ted Cruz is the Zodiac killer? Donald Trump once got laid out by Stone Cold Steve Austin at WrestleMania? You ask yourself: How have I never seen these things? This inevitably leads to...

Stage 3: Obsessive Research

It's 3 a.m. You've been reading Washington Post articles for hours. Somewhere between the fourth one calling Trump Hitler and the sixth or seventh one about what a Democratic socialist is, you've become enlightened. Holy shit, you literally know everything there is to know about politics. Why haven't people been able to figure it out like you have? Everyone's been voting for the wrong person, and you could tell them why.

You know every policy, every stump speech, and at some point you even found out what a caucus is. Now, you need to spread out onto campus, convincing people of your point of view. Thus, we arrive at...

Stage 4: "PEOPLE MUST KNOW!"

It's been a week. You've brought up politics every solitary time you've been alone with someone. You've attempted to hand out flyers outside of the dining hall. You've written far too many blog posts.

You nearly threw a half-empty beer at a friend because they just didn't want to listen to your insight. You sit down at your computer with a heavy sigh to read the 95 recently posted articles about the last campaign stop. Suddenly, you enter...

Stage 5: You realize nobody cares... and neither do you.

You slowly realize that you don't really want to be doing this. You fell down this rabbit hole because you felt like everyone else was interested in it, but you've finally realized no one has a Goddamn clue what they're talking about. You stand up, finally acknowledge you don't give a hot shit about Hillary's emails or whatever the actual fuck a Super Delegate is, and you walk away. You plan to celebrate your newfound apathy like Stone Cold would want you to.

Image Alt
Real Talk |  Source: CincinnatiRefined.com

Five Things You Need to Know Today: 4/29

We read the news so you don't have to.

Here's what you need to know today, thanks to our friends at the Daily Pnut.

1) The U.S. Economy isn't doing so hot right now.

The U.S. economy grew at the lackluster annual rate of 0.5 percent in the first quarter of 2016 in a possible sign that the seven-year recovery might be feeling some strain. The U.S. is one of the few bright spots in the global economy with the Federal Reserve feeling so optimistic recently that they raised interest rates in December. They've since held off doing it again as global growth has been quite disappointing... to put it mildly.

Basically, Japan just slipped into deflation and might experience zero growth despite the Bank of Japan doing everything to increase growth short of firing money out of a cannon into crowds. Meanwhile, China is struggling under a mountain of debt, Brazil is too busy impeaching its president to worry about its terrible recession and Europe's economy is somewhere between constipated and giving up. Central banks around the world are basically printing money to get things moving again, but governments are one-upping them by ushering in a golden era of political dysfunction.

2) The ceasefire that never began just ended.

The truce is officially over after the Syrian government carried out more than 40 airstrikes in Aleppo, destroying a hospital supported by Doctors Without Borders and leaving at least 30 people dead. Dr. Wasem Maaz, the last remaining pediatrician in the rebel-held part of the city, was among the people confirmed killed by an airstrike. And "ceasefire" is confirmed the official "literally" of 2016, in that it now means the opposite.

3) The Greatest Show On EarthTM

The GOP election circus put on a show yesterday that could rival Ringling Brothers. Carly Fiorina kicked things off with a serenade so bizarre that it might force Andy Borowitz to retire. Then, SideShow John Boehner gave a scathing interview at Stanford University where he called Ted Cruz "Lucifer in the flesh" and confirmed what we already knew about Cruz: "I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life." And as a grand finale, Trump headlined the night with a foreign policy address so terrifying, Russians praised it.

4) French protesters clash with police over new labor law.

Violence erupted across several French cities yesterday as hundreds took to the streets to protest the planned labor reforms. Interior Minister Bernard Cazeneuve said more than 100 protesters had been detained country-wide and over two dozen police and military forces were injured, in some cases critically. Figures for civilian injuries are yet to be confirmed. Critics of the proposal feel it would let employers bypass regulations on basic worker rights. Proponents argue that it would give bosses greater freedom to set their own rates, which might alleviate unemployment.

5) Florida school project sparks fear of Zodiac Killer.

A class project at Florida State University took a strange turn when it prompted police to investigate whether the Zodiac Killer had returned. For an English class, students were asked to write a message in a public forum and take a picture of it. Easiest A ever. Unfortunately, one overachiever scribbled "I'm alive and well and I'm going to start killing again" on an apartment complex for the assignment. Police were called to investigate the graffiti that included the cipher associated with the Zodiac Killer of the late '60s and early '70s. No word yet if this assignment will still be on the syllabus next semester.

Image Alt
Real Talk |  Source: FlockU

What The Stuff In Your Car Says About You (Quiz)

That collection of fast food napkins say more than you think.

Throughout the years, we've been in enough of our friend's cars to realize that everyone keeps theirs up differently. Some are neat and some vaguely resemble a war zone.

While you're probably able to to see the correlation between what's in your friends cars and who they are as a person, it may be hard to see how what you keep in your own car lines up with who you are - so that's why I've created a quiz to help.

If you're sick and tired of having to work around the stuff in your friends' car, just reserve yourself a Zipcar. It's that simple. Just make sure to keep your hands on the wheel.

Image Alt
Real Talk |  Source: yuriyui_mp

What Your Choice of Wine Says About Your Personality

Chardonnay = future soccer mom.

Behind every wine lover is a personality to match their go-to glass of wine. Let's face it, as women in college, wine is our friend, our really good friend.

Moscato
If Moscato is your go-to wine then you're a basic bitch. I hate to break it to you, but chances are, you're one of those girls who gets too drunk at the pregame, proceeds to barely make it out and then wonders why you have such a bad hangover the next morning after chugging your Moscato, aka straight sugar and alcohol. You're definitely the girl who's always down to party, like always.

Pinot grigio
You have your shit together and you know not to expect anything from anyone. Pinot is bitter, but sweet at the same time and basically the best wine for girls trying to get their party on, but also keep their clothes on. If you're a pinot drinker then you're an independent boss ass bitch who doesn't need no man.

White zinfandel
If you're a white zinfandel drinker then chances are you're starting to get your priorities in line but you're not quite there yet. It's like you're dangling in between adulting and getting shit faced every night. You try to be sophisticated and handle your shit, but you still give no fucks and aren't ready to grow up yet.

Merlot
You're a low-key grandma. You'd rather spend nights in bed with a good book or Netflix and casually sip on your glass of merlot instead of rage facing and waking up the next morning full of regrets. Most of your friends don't understand why you're always making excuses to not go out and stay in bed, but you don't care. You do you, girlfriend.

Chardonnay
Did someone say classy? You are the best of the best when it comes to getting wasted, yet making sure you remain classy and poised. If you fast forward 10 years, you probably could find yourself at a dinner party with a bunch of other soccer moms talking shit about everyone who pissed you off that day.