Here's a new one!
A man in New Jersey (of course it was New Jersey) dressed up in a bunch of trash bags and burst into a (thankfully) empty convenience store in order to steal money, and eventually took the whole dang cash register.
No, that wasn't a Mad Lib. It's something that actually happened.
And because we live in the glorious year of 2017, when literally anything you can think of is on the internet for our consumption, there is a spectacular video of Trash Bag Man:
I have sooooo many questions, comments, and concerns.
1. Sir, did you not realize those trash bags might not make for the most agile outfit ever? There's a reason you're slipping and sliding all over the counter: you're wearing TRASH BAGS.
2. Did he not have enough trash bags while making the outfit? If you'll notice, the one on his torso is black, but the bag on his head (and the ones on his feet) look like the plastic bags you get your takeout in! Sir, if you don't own more than one trash bag, maybe you have bigger fish to fry in your life than stealing money.
3. Why'd you have to make such a mess on your wait out, man? That's just rude. You're already stealing their money, and now you're making a mess they've gotta clean up in the morning. Pretty whack.
4. Just... why? WHY? WHY TO ALL OF IT?!?
5. This video really got me thinking about the man in those trash bags, and his outfit choice.
I think I understand why he wore them: to make it very hard to identify him outside of the store, in the real world, where no one wears trash bags all over town.
What if the guy we're dealing with here is just some random dude who dresses up in the complete wrong outfit for every occasion? Like, he has no sense of appropriate attire at all?
He wears a full baseball uniform (Phillies, because he's from South Jersey) to the dentist's office, for instance, or he wears an inflatable sumo suit to go grocery shopping. He put on a suit jacket made entirely out of lettuce when he went to pick up his dry cleaning and didn't understand the confused looks.
Maybe we're just dealing with a terribly out-of-touch man who wanted to steal some money (stop doing that!) and thought the head-to-toe trash bag look was the most appropriate 'fit he could get off? Makes as much as anything else in this video, right?
In any case, this is my new favorite thing. If you'll excuse me, I have to go see if there are any trash bags left in my apartment...