Some things in this world are always right. Cheese, dog cuddles, chocolate, morning sex, and Neil deGrasse Tyson, to name a handful. Sexting, especially with a new guy you've met on a dating app like Spotlight, is not one of them.
Don't get me wrong, I love a good ol' sext fest. But there can very much be terrible, horrible, no good, very bad sexts. I've been the recipient of many unsolicited dick pics or downright awful words that have left my vagina (and soul) dry as the Gobi Desert. It's a damn shame.
I'm sure there are some of you who read that first paragraph and disagree. You think no sexting is bad sexting. It's all hot, right?
I'm guessing you're probably a guy...and likely in a fraternity or on a sports team. Data shows that the majority of fuck boys originate in these cohorts, and, it would seem, 100 percent of the bad sexts are sent from fuck boys.
I was recently reminded of this epidemic (that kills phone batteries and libidos all at once), when, without warning, I received a Snapchat of a guy holding his dick, peeing in a sink, with the caption, "You like that?" I'm fairly certain that's sexual harassment, and no. No, I don't like that.
To bring home the fact that bad sexts are ravaging young America, I'd like to bring attention to (attempts at) sexts from that very same boy. We met my sophomore year. He was a frat boy from Azerbaijan who was funny, smoked me up, and gave me and my friends Svedka shots (take away the plastic bottle vodka and I'm charmed).
When he asked for my number, I thought, why not? I wasn't into him, but thought he'd be a friend. Little did I know I had opened the gates to Sexting Hell.
At first, I'd coyly respond and then I just stopped, but he didn't. They say seeing is believing, so I'll show you, but even I look at these screenshots and cannot believe they're real. Note: he is the red censored name, and I am the blue one.
He started out forceful. I respect the confidence, I really do. I even respect that he considers it hard work, and that he asked for an average. No one likes to be forced into a corner with an exact answer. But, I didn't even really know him and even if I did, that's not how you do it.
Then he steps back. He shows that he's considerate (of my mouth, face, and skin health). Dermatologist and dentist approved. Yet, I can't help but think his cooking question is just a bad metaphor used to talk about eating me out. PS: it's too*
I never responded, so you took it upon yourself to keep going, but you do more than that. You come out swinging. In response to your messages: 1. Black lace. 2. Ignoring your unsolicited messages isn't unfair. 3. No, I did not like it. 4. No, I will not tell you a story like your Grandma used to do.
And this, I believe, is when he takes my lack of responses as a sign to go forth sexting with even more vigor rather than backing away. You decide your next move is to begin responding for me. To maintain the conversation? Because of this, I believe I can sue you for libel. And for the PTSD induced anytime I hear Russian poetry. Oh, and it's one. The daily recommended dose for One-A-Day Vitamins is one.
There you have it, folks. Sexts can be bad (even in a nonsexual way). I understand these are extreme, but I've still seen my share of cringe-worthy attempts at virtual seduction. Please, don't be that person.
If you're unsure if you are being sensual or are just having your messages screen shotted for an entire sorority to laugh at, you should go through this checklist, and if you answer yes to any of these questions, stop what you're doing immediately, read some inspirational memes, and take a good long look at yourself in the mirror.
If you answer yes to more than one of these, you may be beyond saving.
1. Are you assuming that your sexts will seduce the person without actually knowing them well enough to say for sure?
That's lofty of you.
2. Are you sending these messages without pretext or solicitation?
Don't assume the other person wants to talk to you sexually.
3. Are you sending an unsolicited dick pic?
This is actually the leading cause of ghosting and screenshots. Also, boys, newsflash: almost every girl I've ever met does not find a penis visually appealing. I've encountered some, but very, very few. So, even if it's consensually foreshadowed, I really doubt she wants a dick pic.
4. Have you sent multiple sexts and they haven't responded?
Spoiler alert: the person's phone didn't die or get lost.