The Best Goodwill Donation Ever
The Real World |  Source:

The Best Goodwill Donation Ever

No way I'd turn it in.

Every day, countless items are donated to Goodwill, to be resold for a lower price to those that can afford the items.

Drugs, on the other hand, work in the exact opposite way. Which is why when a cooler was donated to Goodwill, people were shocked with just how generous the donation was!

Can you blame the cop for being that happy? He knows damn well that he's confiscating that for "investigation"... one which will require him to determine just exactly what type of weed it is, working up close and personal with it.

Also, how on EARTH do you turn this in? It's literally Christmas Day, The Fourth of July, and April 20th all packed up for you with no cost. Shit, you could even give your friends birthday gifts with this, and still have enough for yourself to last the next __________ (insert time based off of how much you smoke).

Am I wrong for this? No shot! It's not like Goodwill can flip it for another few pounds, and start their own side hustle.

Note to self: Weedwill in Colorado. You sell weed that's already been vaporized for a lower price. If anyone steals this idea, I'm coming for you.

Image Alt
The Real World | 

Perfect Things to Do When You're High

May or may not involve food.

Chances are, while you're in college someone is going offer you a puff of marijuana. If no one offers this to you, you're probably not hanging out with the right people.

I'm kidding. Be a good friend to your buddies whether they smoke weed or not. Trust me, it's easy to get away from your sense of self when you get to college, and being a good friend is really important.

Anyway, you can be a good friend to your non-stoner friends and still befriend stoners. What will you and your stoner friends do once you're high? Read on to find out.

Don't eat at all. (Just kidding, go to the dining hall immediately.)
Seriously. Go to your dining hall. We're talking about the unlimited supply of already-paid-for, buffet-style food.

What could be better for a high college student than rows and rows of pizza, prepared hot meals, soups, sandwiches, and French fries? Nothing. The answer is nothing.

Roll in with your crew of high friends, grab a huge, round table, and have at it.

Warning: you may experience anxiety when exposed to so many non-high people, like for instance the person you hooked up with last weekend who keeps trying to force eye contact from across the room.

Just remember that you don't look out of the ordinary; you're experiencing time much slower than everyone else, and no one is judging you. They're too busy worrying whether you're judging them.

Play with puppies.
Quick, hit up your friend who has a puppy/dog/whatever and see if they will let you play with their dog. There is literally nothing more fun than playing with a puppy while high. Their cuteness, playfulness, and puppy-ness is magnified. Once you get your hands on that little ball of fur, your mood will soar. Nothing can make a high college student happier than puppies - not even the dining hall.

Go to the movies.
Preferably, a 3D IMAX movie. Nothing can make the plot of a movie pop like some marijuana. Even if you're too high, all you have to do while you're in a movie is sit there and not talk. It's the perfect activity.

Image Alt
The Real World |  Source: John Suder

Spicer Says Press Will Decide Where Trump Donates His Salary

Can you say, "Planned Parenthood"?

During the election campaign, Donald Trump insisted that he would not accept a salary if he were elected. Once he won the presidency, he again repeated the claim.

However, according to federal law, the president must be given monthly payments totaling at $400,000. Therefore, instead of keeping the money he is required to be paid, White House press secretary Sean Spicer said that Trump will donate his salary at the end of the year to a charity.

The charity has not yet been decided, so Spicer called on journalists to help determine where the donation should go at the end of the year.

"The way that we can avoid scrutiny is to let the press corps determine where it should go," Spicer said on the Monday, March 13 briefing, resulting in laughs from the press.

There has been no remark or proof of this donation from President Trump yet.

Journalists are taking up Spicer's offer on Twitter and are proposing possible charities, such as Planned Parenthood, Fisher House, Committee to Protect Journalists, and Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors.

Image Alt
The Real World |  Source:

NASA Wants You To Adopt The Planet

Better than a shitting mini human imo.

Since we can't seem to take care of the planet, maybe we need to look at it differently. Imagine the planet as a cute, helpless little creature. And only you are capable of caring for it. It is your responsibility now.

Well, that's what NASA is trying to do for Earth Day. It has 64,000 locations on Earth up for adoption. Unlike adopting a child or pet, this adoption comes without fees. Simply type in your name and see where your beloved little slice of water (realistically speaking, about 70 percent of the Earth's surface is water; you're probably lucky if you get any land) is located. You can explore other adoption locations and learn more about each one's climate.

Of course, this adoption thing hasn't convinced everyone of NASA's good intentions. Maybe it's time for us to give up on the planet and let aliens adopt and care for it. Why else would NASA work with Amazon to create the first 4k live stream from space?

I, for one, welcome any potential alien overlords. But sitting around and waiting for them isn't going to do Earth much good. Until alien saviors rescue our planet in the style of James Cameron's Avatar, I'll do what I can to preserve the planet I call home.

Image Alt
The Real World |  Source: FlockU, Shutterstock

A Stoner's Movie Guide For 4/20

If you're not gonna talk all day, you might as well watch.

The infamous 4/20 is upon us and that means a majority of you are going to spend the entirety of your Thursday glued to your couch, bong in hand, and eyes on the TV.

So here is a list of some essential movies for anyone who wants to make the most of the upcoming holi-daze. While this list is in no particular order, I suggest watching Interstellar before you get too high so that you don't end up crying in a corner questioning the nature of reality.

Half Baked
Let the king of comedy himself, Dave Chappelle, drain every ounce of laughter from you in the form of tears from your eyes. This stoner classic features Chappelle, Jim Breuer, and Harlan Williams as drug dealers after Chappelle drags them into a "business", which is stealing weed from the lab he works at as a janitor, or as he calls it, a "master of the custodial arts".

The three are in a full fledged issue when Chappelle is discovered by a local drug lord, and all hilarity ensues. The weed character names are cheesily hysterical!

Animal House
This movie is the oldest one on the list, but there's no reason for you to consider it any less. Animal House should be viewed while high as an homage to simpler times, when 14-year-olds weren't smoking out of $500 vapes, and social media wasn't killing college life. Roll up a joint, throw on a Toga for the full effect, and enjoy this classic that had our parents laughing when they were stoned in college.

Space story, Matthew McConaughey acting, and Neil deGrasse Tyson accuracy. What more can you ask for in a mind-bending film? Prepare yourself for a voyage through time and space that will leaving you crying either from sadness or your brains being blown from not being able to understand the intricacies of space. I can promise you that you will not be let down by this sci-fi thriller.

When I say that Snatch is a fucking awesome movie, you can be sure that it is fucking awesome. Guy Ritchie directed this gem from start to finish where you'll follow the star-studded cast including the likes of Brad Pitt, Jason Statham, Alan Ford, and many more.

Some real guys' guys. You know, the type to walk into a bar, instantly impregnate every woman in there upon entry, order a scotch, throw it over his shoulder, down the pint of beer of the guy next to him, and then proceed to kill every guy in the bar with a few punches and about two roundhouse kicks.

You know, that type of guy. This action-packed movie follows the multiple story lines of these beasts as they turn every corner of the underground London crime scene.

Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny
Weed and Tenacious D go together like cocaine and waffles (better than you'd expect). This is one of those films that that needs no description, because you're better off just watching it and letting the genius of Jack Black amaze you with his strange storytelling and brilliant comedic teamwork with Kyle Gass.

This movie is a staple in any stoner's collection and should not be overlooked this Thursday when you yourself embark on a quest for your own metaphorical pick of destiny.

Image Alt
The Real World |  Source: FlockU, Shutterstock

When A Chronic Weed Smoker Puts Down the Bong

It's no longer about getting by, it's about trying to take on the whole world and succeed.

Most of us either smoke, have smoked, or know someone who smokes marijuana. With the push for marijuana legalization, it seems like the general sentiment is weed isn't as bad as we all thought. Plus, no one has ever died from smoking weed. Sure, there are still some dangers to smoking, but there are also a lot of dangers associated with binge drinking (which as college students, we all do a lot of), but it's not talked about by the media nearly as much as pot.

I'm young and I'm in college. Now is the time to get my degree and have some good ol' fun in the process. Weed is fun af, but what happens when occasional use turns to chronic abuse? When an occasional blunt with a group of friends turns to smoking multiple times a day? And what happens when you try to stop this type of abuse?
Here's my story.
We've all heard of the functional stoner. The one who is always high, yet manages to get all of their work done, and live a good life. This was me. And yeah there really isn't too much wrong with living this life. If it's not broken, don't fix it, amiright?
But I found myself wanting more from life. I found being stoned out of my mind listening to music while on the couch all day wasn't the answer to achieving my life goals.
So I decided to take a break from smoking. And let me tell you, it was hard.
First off, weed is psychologically addictive. So if you smoke every day, then quit suddenly, you literally crave weed. This can lead to withdrawal symptoms such as anxiety, weird eating and sleeping habits, irritability, and mood swings.
The first few days I found myself nervously sitting around trying to think of how to spend my time now that it wasn't occupied by smoking. The first few days are a total and complete bitch. But it does get better.
After about a week, I noticed I stopped thinking about smoking as much. Many of the weird physical withdrawal symptoms were gone. I still felt a little weird when all my friends were sitting around smoking. But, I started to find power in the word no. Being asked if I wanted to hit the blunt and politely responding no made me feel good.
And as time passed I noticed improvements in my short and long term memories. My daily energy level improved. I didn't have a nasty cough all the time. My mood became a lot more stable and positive. It all seemed worth it.
Being off weed for a while is like starting a whole new life. With my head out of the 420blazeit cloud, I see life so much clearer. I'm organized. I'm more productive. I have a lot more money now that it isn't all being blown on weed.
Being a functional stoner was cool. I could be high and have fun, and still get my stuff done. But now, in my new clear-headed state, it's no longer about getting by. It's about trying to take on the whole world and succeed. I finally feel like I'm moving toward my goals in life.
The point is this: I'm not trying to bash weed. But I just want you to know what life can be like if you put the bong down. The occasional joint with friends is always fun. Every now and again, I'll say yes to it after a long productive day. But one thing I've learned from my past chronic and dependent use is that being high all the time was no way for me to live my life as I start to really become an adult.
Weed is tight. Weed is great... in moderation.