I'm writing this article for two reasons. Primarily the first being, of course, that my ex is a slut-ass and I can't stop stalking his Instagram. And the second being that after years of long lines in bar bathrooms with many inebriated females, I realize I am not alone.
Now let me be clear here, there's a number of different ways that an ex can fall under the category of "slut-ass." Whether he or she has hooked up with half of the campus since (or during?) your relationship, moved on suspiciously fast or still hits you up with questionable motives, there is the undeniable truth that their actions hurt. Thanks to people like Mark Zuckerberg and Evan Spiegel (lowkey, fuck those guys), you have an alarming amount of access to their personal life, whether you talk daily or haven't spoken since 2012.
Breakups suck, but they suck so much more when you get daily reminders of your past as soon as you roll over in the morning, grab your phone and open Snapchat.
So, if your ex fits into any of the vast slut-ass spectrum, and you find yourself heartbroken or obsessing about it, have no fear, because relief is here!
Know that you're super, super, super not alone.
I used to stay up late at night pulling some super invasive FBI shit on my ex's girl's sorority sister's friend's big's Instagram page. I mean, I lost alarming amounts of sleep because of how deep I got in the psycho-ex-girlfriend matrix. It would always end, of course, with my muffled cries in my pillow hoping that my roommate wouldn't wake up.
I kept these self-destructive tendencies and pangs of heartbreak to myself, until I started hearing more and more friends start to slowly explain that they were feeling similar things about their past relationships. Many of them felt unwanted or unimportant, like their relationship didn't matter at all.
Of course, I'd never want to wish any of those feelings upon any my friends, but knowing that I wasn't the only one to feel that was help enough. It was therapeutic venting about the way he had made me feel, while hearing similar stories and getting advice I couldn't think of myself. Being open and having great friends made the process so much easier.
You need to put the phone down and walk away.
My mom once said to me, "I don't know how you do it. When I was younger, if I didn't get invited to a party, I didn't know. If my ex-boyfriend started seeing someone else, I didn't know. How exhausting is it to just know all the time?"
For a split second, I imagined a world where my potential fears and anxieties diminished because I was ignorant to whether or not someone had moved on, or whether or not my friends were constantly keeping me in the loop. That ignorance was incredibly relaxing, and I truly didn't want to know.
But I did know... virtually everything. Thanks to social media, and my own self-destructive and psychotic tendencies, I could tell you an alarming amount of things about the ex, who was virtually like a stranger, and many of the girls who crossed his path long after me.
I'll never live in an age like my mom and that is okay. Although I may have the ability to access tons of information about his new boo-thang at the touch of my fingers, it is within my control to just stop looking. So if it helps, just block, unfollow, do whatever you need to do to stop knowing. Your ex will keep on keeping on with their life, whether or not you check his or her new girlfriend's Facebook three times a day. It is within your best interest to keep your social media in check with the things that you actually want to see.
Allow yourself to make peace with who they are as a person.
With each corny-ass Instagram and new formal date of his that popped up on my feed, I wanted to ask, "What was so bad about me?" I felt unimportant, like our relationship meant nothing despite all that I had given it.
And although it's (clearly) taken years and many embarrassing and detrimental behaviors, I have made peace with who my ex-boyfriend is and with our kind, but forgotten relationship.
It is possible to mean a great deal to someone and then for that person to slowly slip away into a category of strangers. In fact, it is both possible and bound to happen at some point in anyone's life. It may bring harrowing emotions of insignificance, but it is, to a degree, inevitable.
It is necessary to take the path of peace, rather than hatred, in these situations. It may take a lot of grieving, and maybe a little bit of Twitter-stalking (MINIMUM), but it's important to rise above those immediate feelings of maybe wanting to slash your ex's tires (definitely don't do that, that is not picking the path of peace).
Your life will move on and so will theirs. You will both fall in love and be heartbroken again. The cycle will continue, for any period of time, and you will have ups and downs for as long as you live. Your life will never be all good or all bad, and that is okay as soon as you accept it as reality. Once you make peace with your experiences, your relationships, the people who may be in or out of your life, you become closer to finding true happiness and confidence.