Pump The Breaks, Liberals
Real Talk |  Source: unionleader.com

Pump The Breaks, Liberals

Bill O'Reilly's exit from Fox may be a little untimely.

At any normal point in time, Bill O'Reilly losing his job and being denied the opportunity to poison minds on national television would be a massive victory.

Unfortunately, the point in time that we are currently residing in is anything but normal.

Partially because the man who is currently running the country is the most unqualified, unintelligent, short-fused, scatter-brained bafoon to ever do so. Oh, and he's also probably the most racist as well (which is saying a lot for a country that was once headed by Woodrow Wilson).

However, the main reason that this period of time is so unprecedented is because of alternative facts (or in layman's terms: lies). From the size of the president's inauguration crowd, to accusations of wire-tapping by his predecessor, to the size of the president's hands, lies plague the Trump administration.

No that didn't sound right... lies are the Trump administration. But that shouldn't be too shocking: we are talking about a group of megalomaniacs being run by an overweight oompa-loompa who believes that vaccines cause autism, an alleged homophobe, a former robber baron, the Grim Reaper, Melissa McCarthy, a woman who (through nothing short of a medical miracle) only knows how to talk out of her ass, and a wannabe J.Crew model.

So no, the fact that the Trump administration lies about almost everything shouldn't be surprising. Actually, it shouldn't even be concerning, because in an ideal world, the media would weed out what's true and what's bullshit.

Too bad we don't live in an ideal world.

Of course the media should be bipartisan, but they're not, and nobody has proven that more than conservative news outlets (looking at you Fox and Friends). Ever since Trump has come to office, these outlets haven't just kept their mouths open for Trump's hearty helping of bullshit: they've taken it down with a smile and asked for seconds (I know that's a gross visual, but Trump is president now and anything goes).

That's where Bill O'Reilly came in. Yes, he's a piece of shit. Yes, he's essentially a conspiracy theorist. Yes, he brainwashes his audience. But in this new world where conservative news outlets pick up whatever President Trump puts down, Bill O'Reilly (whether he knew it or not) was actually a valuable tool in the anti-Trump tool box.

Because if there's one thing that Bill O'Reilly loves more than anything in the world, it's Bill O'Reilly. I hate to say it, but he might actually love himself more than President Trump loves himself. And because of that, he's willing to say and do pretty much anything to get headlines.

For example, calling out President Trump on not fact-checking his information.

It's been a long running joke that The O'Reilly Factor is only viewed by senior citizens as they get ready for bed, but in reality, that joke isn't even a joke. The median age of O'Reilly's viewers is 72.1 years old, which means most of his viewers fall into the 65+ demographic, a demographic that heavily favored President Trump in this past election.

Interesting: why would O'Reilly criticize a man whom his audience clearly supports? Well kids, here's the magical thing about Bill O'Reilly: he's the Jim Jones of network television.

He doesn't have to say anything, because his followers believe whatever he says. So when he calls out Trump on live television, or criticizes the president for being woefully unqualified, his fans don't turn the TV off: they eat it up!

So believe it or not, but an extremely popular, or rather the most popular, popular conservative news anchor with a heavily Trump-centric fan group and a world class level of hubris could have actually been a blessing in disguise for liberals (and all other sane humans) during the four-year reign of President Trump.

Maybe he would have broken from his conservative mold more often to garner better ratings or get his name in the headlines. Maybe him breaking from that mold would have swayed some of his fans to abandon President Trump altogether. I know it's far fetched, but who knows!

All I'm saying is that if your main goal is to get Donald Trump out of the White House ASAP, maybe Bill O'Reilly and his shitty show were somewhat beneficial. And maybe (emphasis on mayyyyyyyyybbbbbbeeeeee) it would have been timelier for this O'Reilly scandal to break in, oh, I don't know, another...

1,290 days?

However, if your goal is to maintain the integrity of humanity, than congrats! Today was clearly a big day for you.

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Real Talk |  Source: www.salon.com

Gretchen Carlson is Suing Fox News

Can the men at Fox put an ice pack on it?

Holy shit. After watching this two minute video, it's no surprise that Carlson is filing a sexual harassment suit against Fox. The entire video is a compilation of co-anchors, guests, and other Fox employees inappropriately complimenting Carlson on LIVE news.

One of the many reasons this is infuriating is that by doing so, they downplay the academic and professional accomplishments she has made, and instead focus on her good looks. Yeah, she's beautiful, but she's also a boss-ass lady.

Not a bold prediction, but this lawsuit will be over faster than the video.

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Real Talk |  Source: viralshack.com

If Liberals and Conservatives Existed in Game of Thrones

A convo play-by-play of what would happen

Major Spoilers Ahead

Last Sunday's "Battle of the Bastards" was arguably the best episode in Game of Thrones history. We got to see Daenarys Stormborn take on the slave masters and their fleet, Tyrion chide Theon Grejoy, Jon Snow punching Ramsay in the face, and the latter receiving retribution in the most poetically just way.

Ramsay Bolton is dead, and I don't think Thoros of Myr or Melisandre will be able to bring him back.

But, his death prompted me to ask the question: "What if the world of Ice and Fire were real, and my liberal and conservative friends lived in Westeros? How would they react to such a menace?

Since I have friends who sway on both ends of the political spectrum, always letting me know their stances on issues via Facebook, I conjured up a conversation between a liberal and a conservative who live in the Game of Thrones universe.

Liberal: None of us are arguing over the fact that Ramsay Bolton was one evil son of a bitch.

Conservative: Wow, something we can agree on. Okay, but what were the conditions that made him such a disgusting human being?

Liberal: It's obvious, Ramsay Bolton was a product of his environment. He lived in the harshest conditions of the North, and is only responding violently because Jon Snow is invading his homeland!

Conservative: Gimme a break! Let's be honest with ourselves. Ramsay Bolton was a product of the fanatic religion of the Old Gods, worshipped solely in the North. He's been indoctrinated to believe that he is living a just life. I'm not saying ALL of the worshippers of the Old Gods flay people alive, but all men who flay people alive worship the Old Gods. Plus, Ramsay initially stole Winterfell from the Starks!

Liberal: Don't even get me started on the Starks, NONE of this would have happened had Ned Stark just stayed home and minded his own business, instead of worry about what was going on in King's Landing.

Conservative: Oh, what, you don't think the North had a moral obligation to help out the Realm?

Liberal: Was that why he was there, or did he have ulterior motives? He accused Jon Arryn's murder on the Lannisters, that was a deliberate lie and you know it!

Conservative: So, he was wrong about the Lannisters, but they were still an evil family. Let's get back to the point, what could we have done differently about Ramsay Bolton? I'm glad Jon Snow and his men went into Winterfell. Ground troops all the way!

Liberal: Granted, Jon Snow was successful, but think of how many lives could have been saved if he had simply funded the houses around him to overthrow Ramsay? Plus, I think this has greater implications. The Mother of Dragons is standing on our doorstep. We might not be affected by her Dragons, but our children will!

Conservative: Oh, here we go with the "Mother of Dragons" hoax. It's never even been proven that she will come to Westeros! I want to hear facts, not rumors and myths about some "Dragon Queen" invading Westeros!

And it goes on like that until both of them unfriend each other on the Game of Thrones version of Facebook, because if anything makes or breaks a friendship, it's politics and Game of Thrones.

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Real Talk |  Source: CincinnatiRefined.com

Five Things You Need to Know Today: 4/29

We read the news so you don't have to.

Here's what you need to know today, thanks to our friends at the Daily Pnut.

1) The U.S. Economy isn't doing so hot right now.

The U.S. economy grew at the lackluster annual rate of 0.5 percent in the first quarter of 2016 in a possible sign that the seven-year recovery might be feeling some strain. The U.S. is one of the few bright spots in the global economy with the Federal Reserve feeling so optimistic recently that they raised interest rates in December. They've since held off doing it again as global growth has been quite disappointing... to put it mildly.

Basically, Japan just slipped into deflation and might experience zero growth despite the Bank of Japan doing everything to increase growth short of firing money out of a cannon into crowds. Meanwhile, China is struggling under a mountain of debt, Brazil is too busy impeaching its president to worry about its terrible recession and Europe's economy is somewhere between constipated and giving up. Central banks around the world are basically printing money to get things moving again, but governments are one-upping them by ushering in a golden era of political dysfunction.

2) The ceasefire that never began just ended.

The truce is officially over after the Syrian government carried out more than 40 airstrikes in Aleppo, destroying a hospital supported by Doctors Without Borders and leaving at least 30 people dead. Dr. Wasem Maaz, the last remaining pediatrician in the rebel-held part of the city, was among the people confirmed killed by an airstrike. And "ceasefire" is confirmed the official "literally" of 2016, in that it now means the opposite.

3) The Greatest Show On EarthTM

The GOP election circus put on a show yesterday that could rival Ringling Brothers. Carly Fiorina kicked things off with a serenade so bizarre that it might force Andy Borowitz to retire. Then, SideShow John Boehner gave a scathing interview at Stanford University where he called Ted Cruz "Lucifer in the flesh" and confirmed what we already knew about Cruz: "I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life." And as a grand finale, Trump headlined the night with a foreign policy address so terrifying, Russians praised it.

4) French protesters clash with police over new labor law.

Violence erupted across several French cities yesterday as hundreds took to the streets to protest the planned labor reforms. Interior Minister Bernard Cazeneuve said more than 100 protesters had been detained country-wide and over two dozen police and military forces were injured, in some cases critically. Figures for civilian injuries are yet to be confirmed. Critics of the proposal feel it would let employers bypass regulations on basic worker rights. Proponents argue that it would give bosses greater freedom to set their own rates, which might alleviate unemployment.

5) Florida school project sparks fear of Zodiac Killer.

A class project at Florida State University took a strange turn when it prompted police to investigate whether the Zodiac Killer had returned. For an English class, students were asked to write a message in a public forum and take a picture of it. Easiest A ever. Unfortunately, one overachiever scribbled "I'm alive and well and I'm going to start killing again" on an apartment complex for the assignment. Police were called to investigate the graffiti that included the cipher associated with the Zodiac Killer of the late '60s and early '70s. No word yet if this assignment will still be on the syllabus next semester.

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Real Talk | 

Five Things You Need to Know Today: 5/2

We read the news so you don't have to.

Here's what you need to know today, thanks to our friends at the Daily Pnut.

1) Iraqi Parliament gets as chaotic as rest of the country.

Tired of government inaction and general incompetence, Shiite protesters in Iraq stormed the Iraqi parliament, ransacking the building and holding a temporary sit-in before finally starting to withdraw. But this isn't exactly a "people's uprising" trying to hold the government accountable. Many of the protesters are supporters of Shiite Cleric Moqtada Sadr who plays a crucial role in the anti-ISIS fight but is also highly complicit in the ethnic cleansing of Iraqi Sunnis since the US invasion in 2003.

Optimists will say that this weekend's sit-in could break a deadlock in Iraq's parliament and push the government to enact much needed reform. Pessimists say that this is just another division that threatens to bring down what is left of the Iraqi state. It is probably too early to tell either way.

2) Battle for Aleppo reignites Syrian civil war.

The Syrian civil war around the city of Aleppo heated up over the weekend following the collapse of a ceasefire brokered by world powers. Government forces bombed hospitals late last week and tried to push rebels out of parts of the city. Rebels responded by shelling government controlled districts. Control of Aleppo is symbolically and strategically important for both sides. Already a humanitarian disaster, the recent fighting has made things exponentially worse for civilians still trapped in the city.

3) Kenya is really committed to conservation.

The Kenyan government took one of the boldest actions to combat illegal elephant poaching over the weekend when it lit $100 million worth of illegally poached ivory on fire. Botswana, another tough conservationist, wasn't pleased with the burning, saying it would raise the price of ivory on the black market. Kenya's President said he wanted to send a clear message to poachers, presumably that they shouldn't f**k with Kenya's elephants.

4) Fox News and HuffPo duke it out the old-fashioned way

Put a bunch of journalists with divergent political ideologies in a room with alcohol, and a fight is bound to happen. During an after party for the White House Correspondents Dinner, a fight broke out between Fox News correspondent Jesse Watters and HuffPost's Washington Bureau Chief Ryan Grim. While we're used to seeing journalists spar words on Twitter, these guys threw actual punches at one another, while ironically standing outside the US Institute of Peace.

According to several witnesses, many of whom shared the mayhem on Twitter, tables were flipped over and bystanders were knocked down at this otherwise swanky event.

5) Roaming charges may not suck as much.

It isn't all crises at the EU! Starting yesterday, cell phone roaming charges were slashed because nothing says solidarity like being able to check Facebook across borders. They will be phased out completely next year.

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Real Talk |  Source: TV Guide (edited)

Bye Bye, Bill O' Reilly!

Out of sight, out of mind.

Good news, folks! The Murdoch family, founder of Fox News, has finally decided to take Bill O'Reilly off the air. This decision was made, because of the pressure the Murdochs were facing after plenty of accusations against Bill involving sexual harassment. Honestly, that doesn't surprise me.

It's about time Fox takes away the spotlight of this sham newsman. Bill O'Reilly is known for being a political commentator on his controversial show The O'Reilly Factor. He describes himself as a conservative commentator, but if you've ever seen his show, his views and statements can be quite offensive and politically incorrect.

You either hate him or you don't, there really is no in between with Bill O'Reilly. Some people might wonder if these sexual harassment allegations are true, but Bill O'Reilly himself along with Fox News have paid out over 13 million dollars to settle some of the allegations towards O'Reilly.

Why would you settle if you didn't do anything wrong? I wonder what O'Reilly's devoted fans will end up watching now.