Pizza Girl Wins Kiss Cam
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Pizza Girl Wins Kiss Cam

I feel like we should be friends.

If you're like me, and you only go to sporting events for the Kiss Cam, mascot races, and the hot dogs, then it's your lucky day, my friends, because this chick just slayed the kiss cam, with just two pieces of pizza and sheer creativity.

As for the pizza-loving chick in the vid, I really feel like we should be friends. Your friend in this video clearly does not appreciate your talents. Are you on Bumble BFF?

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The Atlanta Hawks Lost To The Cavs, But Stole My Heart

What an effort it was.

NBA fans owe a big thank you to the Hawks bench tonight. The Cavs entered halftime up by 10 ready to coast to a 1-0 series lead. Al Horford was already considering his free agent options.

Que the bench. Dennis Schroeder boasting pure unadulterated german efficiency starts to mount the comeback. He put Atlanta on his back with a sweet 3 for 3 from the field with two of those attempts coming from downtown. And all of a sudden ...

The Hawks have life. We have a game worth watching. All because of this young gun with flow that should've earned him a cameo in Dope.

Every hero needs a lovable side kick, and tonight Schroeder found his in fellow benchie Mike Scott. Scott played your spark plug bringing life back into the Atlanta's defense.

LeBron James no longer seemed to be instilling his will. All of a sudden Paul Millsap is cleaning up the glass. Scott, a relative jobber, will forever have my love for those six minutes he gave in the third quarter. If that isn't enough he deserves it for being the biggest apple fan in the league. (I mean why is apple not paying this man money. Look at those tats.)

The third quarter ended with the hawks back within four points of the Cavs and made us think just maybe the Eastern Conference isn't the cakewalk it was chalked up to be. Alas, it was all too good to be true. LeBron turned on the muscle and it was pretty much over.

All of a sudden the script seems back on track. Cry not Atlanta, for Schroeder brought hope even if just for a quarter.

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The NBA Is Having Fun With Mariah Carey's Mishap

Emotions? None, just pure hilarity.

So, we all know by now what happened. There was one news item that we took with us from 2016 into the new year, and it involves one Mariah Carey and her horrendous mishap on Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve with Ryan Seacrest. I was watching with my family when it happened, and I've seen the footage again and again, and it's so cringeworthy to watch because she honestly isn't even trying.

Hella awkward there, Mariah. Didn't help when "We Belong Together" came on and you said over the mic "This is the album version..." This was one of the last musical performances in 2016 -- quite appropriate. Guess you can say Mariah Carey and 2016 belong together.

Anyways, this performance has caused a finger-pointing blame game debacle between her and her team against the producers of the show. So, of course, with a screw-up like this, everyone has to get in on the humor and parody. Two NBA teams have already unleashed their mockeries of this little incident.

First up, the Indiana Pacers trolled the pop singer with a "lip sync cam." As "Emotions" played, fans were encouraged to lip sync to the song if shown on the arena camera. I can say some of them may have put on a better job than the real singer did on New Year's Eve.

And then came the San Antonio Spurs and their mascot -- the coyote. Same song used, but this was much more of a parody. And the brains behind this mastered it well. In the words of the guy at the end, "That was awesome."

Now, let's stir the pot a little, shall we? This past June, Carey was interviewed by Jimmy Kimmel, and she admitted she knows nothing about basketball -- or sports for that matter. Well, Mariah, you will never forget the Pacers or Spurs now, will you?

Well, let's look on the bright side, sports fans. As someone in the YouTube comments of the first video points out, at least Ronda Rousey doesn't have the last fail of 2016.

And Mariah Carey isn't the first to have a blunder like this -- remember Ashlee Simpson on Saturday Night Live? So she has that as a redeeming factor (though a very miniscule one).

I say miniscule because, of course, about 10 years since Simpson on SNL, social media has become quite the phenomenon, and sports and entertainment are more mixed than ever. A post on Barstool Sports saw one of its articles take time out to address the New Year's TV mess. The story is all over Yahoo, even to the point where it is in the sports section.

Even WWE commentators got in on the fun during the most recent episode of SmackDown Live.

We'll have to wait and see whatever sports figures, sites and personalities get on the parody train.

As for the first meme of 2017 (a.k.a. Carey), hopefully one sweet day this can all end. She should hope Steve Harvey screws up in the upcoming Miss Universe...again.

And yes, I'll stop the Mariah Carey song jokes now.

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Super Bowl 50: Thoughts of the Die-Hard Sports Fan vs. the Casual Observer

This is the best Sunday of the year/I give zero fucks about who wins this game.

Sports lovers: The best Sunday of the year is quickly approaching. Will the new-school, dabbin', Versace pants wearing Cam Newton win his first title in an incredible MVP season, or will the old-school, Papa John's lovin', sure to be Hall-of-Famer Peyton Manning ride off into the horizon as the sun sets with another championship ring? Either way, everyone will be watching.

The casual observer: Look, I like sports, in a casual sort of way. I played a college sport, but when it comes down to it, I'm not sure I really care about who wins the Super Bowl. Ok, tbh I give zero fucks about who wins this game, or any other football game for that matter. The only sports team I really care about the Cincinnati Reds and that's only because Joey Votto is on the team, and he's a total smokeshow. Anyway, inevitably, every year, the Super Bowl rolls around, and I begrudgingly prepare myself to watch an entire sporting event. From start to finish. Woof.

Presented without further comment: thoughts of both the casual observer and the die hard sports fan

Die-Hard Sports Fan:

We should drink.


I wonder who's going to win.

I wonder if this will be Peyton Manning's last Super Bowl.

But he's such a weirdo.

He also has a big forehead.

More like a fivehead.

We should get wings.

If my bet doesn't hit, I'll just pay off my student loans with stripper money.

If my bet hits, I'm gonna save a lot of it.

Or I could buy nice alcohol.

Cam Newton is so cool.

Do you think we'll see a nipple in the halftime performance?

Jay-Z would be pissed if everyone saw Beyonc?'s nipple.

It's cool because Rob Gronkowski will be at the after party taking handle pulls like it's nothing.

I wish Gronk was my best friend.

I wish Gronk was my Dad.

This game is so much better because Eli Manning isn't playing.

Eli's the nerdy younger brother that reads calculus books for fun.

I miss Tom Brady.

I'm so high, I forgot to order food.

Wait, I'm so high I forgot I ordered food.

This better not be a blowout.

I hope my mom doesn't call.

I coulda made that catch.

You know, like, relative to my skill.


Yelling is totally mandatory. Sorry, neighbors.

This is the best day of the year.

Let's order more food.

If the game's a close one: WHAT A GAME WHAT A GAME.

If it's a blowout: My entire life is a letdown.

[Game ends]

Yes, the aftershow. Can't wait to unpack what just happened with the SportsCenter guys.

God, I can't wait until next year.

Casual Sports Fans:

Alright who's actually playing in this game?

OK, memorize colors of each team now.

Man, those guys really look phenom in those tight pants. I wonder how much these guys can squat. Because they are DEFINITELY doing their squats.

OK, beer me.

I wonder if Eric Decker is playing.

Damn, his wife is so hot. I wonder how she gets her face to be so hot?

I wonder when she's going to release a new song. I really like her music. Oh! And what about their reality show. When's that coming back?

*scrolls through phone*

OK, beer me.

I should really bring back the term sexual.

OK, back to the game, pay attention. Everyone else is cheering, what happened?

Yum, buffalo chicken dip. I wonder how much I can eat of this in one sitting. At least it's something to do.

Is this canned chicken? Ha, remember when Jessica Simpson asked is this tuna or chicken? I died.

Whatever happened to her? Man, she really looked great back in day.

OK, beer me.

*scrolls through phone*

But her Insta is so damn weird now. Who teaches their toddler daughter to do the duck face?

When is the fuck is duck face going to die for good?

OK, beer me.


I wonder if I DVRed the Puppy Bowl.

Call me crazy, but I KNOW my dog watches TV.

Last year I forgot to record the Puppy Bowl and he was mad at me, I swear.

OK, beer me.

This is why I never watch sports.

I wonder how Carrie Underwood got the deal to do the Monday Night Football intro.

She's so pretty. I read once that she does her own hair and makeup. So talented.

OK, beer me.

*scrolls through phone*

Ugh her husband is super hot, too. What did they name their baby again?

Speaking of, whatever happened to Tony Romo? Did you know his wife's brother is the guy from Gossip Girl?

God, that was a good show. Blake Lively is my ultimate girl crush.

*scrolls through phone*

James is such a cute name for a girl. Unlike that dickhead I dated in college.

OK, beer me.

Oh man, third quarter already? Sweet.

(Game ends.) Act like you've been paying attention this whole time.

*scrolls through phone to find out who wins*

Wait, there's a whole ceremony at the end? I'm out. Netflix in bed for me.

Good game, guys. 'til next year!

Photo Source: sarahliard, toellnma

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Redskins Continue Primetime Woes

Redskins outplayed by Cam and the Panthers on Monday Night Football

With Washington's loss to the Panthers Monday night, they have fallen behind both the Bucs and the Packers in the race for the NFC's second wild card race. This was not a must win (Aaron Rodgers believes World War II was a must win, but never a football game), but the Skins must win the next two and have a loss from both Tampa Bay (@ NO, vs Car) and Green Bay (vs Minn, @ Det)

Washington was touchdown favorites, but their Monday Night Football record is now 28-38. That record is 2-16 at FedEx Field. Yikes.

The Skins did not do too much well tonight. Their defense was the best aspect, but they still allowed 26 points to the downtrodden Panthers and let Jonathan Stewart run all over them. Their offense was dismal. The special teams didn't help and the turnovers certainly hurt the Skins.

Then after so many three and outs and turnovers, the Skins frustration got in the way and Jordan Reed decided to punch a helmet, which got him tossed. Talk about adding insult to injury. Double ouch.

Then there is always the story about Cam Newton sliding and getting hit in the head, but not getting any help from the officiating crew. Instead, Cam got flagged for taunting as he flipped the ball on the Redskins defender.

Nice work Redskins, you definitely set yourselves up for the playoffs tonight.

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Why Pizza is Overrated

We know... you love it.

Pizza is good. It's cheesy, it's saucy, everyone loves it... GREAT! Glad that's been established!

That being said, why do people still find it necessary to continually post about how obsessed with pizza they are and how they love it more than life itself? Sure enough, you can't log onto Facebook, Twitter, or Insta without that cheesy delicious circle being pushed in your face.

Like I get it, it's so relatable how good pizza is and how bad our love lives are... but is it really relatable that you prefer a damn pizza over a relationship? I think this is crossing the line from relatable to pathetic.

I love food a lot. I'm someone who eats for fun while waiting for the next meal in the day... but I've NEVER felt the need to relish in my eating habits above those who seek a healthy lifestyle! Like congratulations... what do you want, a medal?

Every human being in the world has to eat, but working out actually takes some motivation, so why do we find it necessary to brag about just how little we do and hide behind pizza to get likes. You know what's way better than pizza? Pulled pork, clam chowder in a bread bowl, your grandmother's banana bread! You don't see me posting about how I want to marry banana bread and it's way cooler than going to the gym or having goals in life, no, that's strictly designated to pizza already.