Oh Dear Lord, Deflategate Is Back
Sports |  Source: freep.com

Oh Dear Lord, Deflategate Is Back

Can this just go away already?

Remember the spring and summer of 2015, when we talked about deflated footballs instead of, you know, actual sports? You surely missed the banal arguments over PSI. Well, no need to be wistful about dumb sports controversies of the past -- Deflategate is back!

On Monday, a federal appeals court reversed Judge Richard Berman's decision, reinstating the NFL's four-game suspension of Tom Brady, which was initially supposed to be enforced at the start of this past NFL season.

Brady was supposedly a key architect in the Patriots' deflating of footballs below their specified PSI levels during the 2015 NFL playoffs. Now, it appears Brady will pay for that role with a four-game suspension during the first four weeks of the 2016 season. We'll see if that stands.

The last time this "issue" was relevant, during the 2015 offseason, sports media drove the topic into the ground, through the Earth's core, and out the other side. It was covered at nauseam.

No joke: the University of New Hampshire offered a 400-level course on Deflategate. Talk about an easy A.

And while the Patriots have a well-documented and curious history with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, this "scandal" simply is not worthy of the coverage it has received.

First off, the Patriots obliterated the Colts in the game that eventually led to this "scandal" being uncovered. New England won, 45-7. The Patriots were very, very good at football that year. A minute difference in the pressure of a few footballs was not going to change the result.

All of this attention is being directed to a minute breaking of an essentially useless rule that has little to no bearing on the actual game being played. There are so many other variables in a football game, there is almost no way for a slightly-deflated football to actually impact a game to the point where one team consistently gains a competitive advantage in 16 regular-season games and the entirety of the postseason. It's absurd.

And it's a microcosm what has taken sports writ large, once viewed as the most fun we could have together, and turned it into a rage-fueled industry, one so vitriolic that fans beat each other in parking lots over a meaningless regular season game. We invest so much in the tiniest bits of meaningless minutiae that we forget what sports once were, at least to us as children: fun.

There is no fun in arguing over the deflation/inflation level of footballs. There is no fun in reversing court cases.

Instead, what we have is the dumbest side of sports and its subsequent media coverage. It's not as dark or disturbing as the league's problem with domestic violence, or racism, but it's plenty disappointing to think that we devote this amount of coverage to the pressure of a football while the long-term effects of concussions remain unknown.

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Sports |  Source: si.com

This NFL Rookie Probably Got Fined A Minute After He Was Drafted

Sometimes, you just can't help yourself!

Everyone knows emotions run high in sports. You're competing, often for your job and livelihood, with every play. But sometimes athletes' emotions go much deeper than just the level of competition, and that's what happened on Thursday night for Falcons rookie defensive end Takkarist McKinley.

When McKinley, who played his college ball at UCLA, was drafted as the 26th overall pick in Thursday's 2017 NFL Draft (congrats, Takkarist!) he obviously felt a huuuuuge wave of emotions roll over him, and he delivered what I would call the best post-selection speech of all time. Check this out:


That's the kind of unbridled emotion I expect when I come watch the NFL, and it's not the kind that results in concussions, so this is truly a win-win.

I mean, seriously, this might be the perfect speech/rant/dissertation by McKinley. He brings up a framed photo of his grandmother, which already has me hooked because props are the best! Then he starts by explaining how he promised his grandmother, on her death bed, that he would make the NFL and make her proud, a great story from someone who clearly loves his family. And then he swears, live on air, less than A MINUTE after getting drafted!

We should all live our best lives in the way Takkarist McKinley is clearly living his. That was awesome. Go wild, young man: you've earned all of this and more. Go swear up a storm! They can fine you later.

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Sports |  Source: wallpapersdsc.net

Tom Brady's Jersey Gets Stolen AGAIN

Guy can't catch a break.

Today at the Red Sox opening day, Tom Brady and a few other members of the New England Patriots were honored on the mound for their Super Bowl victory (please come back soon, football). They had the Super Bowl trophies out there, along with James White and Dion Lewis.

The ceremony was all fun and games until another lunatic decided to steal Brady's championship game jersey! Brady actually chased him down, and tackled him just outside of the infield, as Red Sox players stared at the players making a mockery of their profession.

Yeah, Gronk is just straight up out of his mind, and also arguably the funniest athlete in sports. It must be hard for Brady to basically have his tight end be his son. Need more proof that Gronk may be certifiably insane? Before the Sox game today, he was at WrestleMania last night.

@jindermahal started it!!! Never ever steal my drink and never ever dare throw it back at me!!!

A post shared by Rob Gronkowski (@gronk) on

If I'm a Pats fan, watching Gronk hit like that would make me piss my pants. Get some rest and get ready for next year, dude.

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Sports |  Source: espn.go.com

Is Goodell as Dumb as We Think He Is?

Maybe, maybe not.

I'll say it: the NFL is a mess right now. Morally, that is.

But financially, things have never been better. In fact, by the end of 2016, experts predict that total annual revenue in the NFL could be as high as (wait for it): $13 billion.

To put that into perspective, that's twice as much revenue as the entire country of Guinea, and enough money to fund almost 10 space missions to Pluto.

And other than the rich, old white guys that actually own these NFL teams, nobody benefits more from the growth of the NFL than the sports media's poster boy for cluelessness, Roger Goodell.

In his career as commissioner, Goodell has made an astonishing, otherworldly, and downright ridiculous $180.5 million, including a whopping $44 million in 2013, for essentially being a flip-flopping, incompetent sock puppet.

At least, that's what the media makes it seem like.

After playing judge, jury, and executioner in Deflategate, failing to immediately punish Baltimore running back Ray Rice for cold-cocking his girlfriend in an elevator, shitting the bed with regards to gun-toting wife beater Greg Hardy, and basically ignoring the existence of concussions, it's easy to put labels on Goodell.

Idiot. Coward. Whining, little, insecure baby. (OK, that last one is just something I like to call him).

But there's a good chance that Roger Goodell is actually way, way, way smarter than everybody gives him credit for. Albeit a slight chance, but still.

Do you know who pays Roger Goodell's salary?

You guessed it: the NFL owners.

And what do wealthy, old, white billionaires love even more than power, being jerks, and women 50 years younger than them?

That's right: money.

And the only way to make money in the NFL is to run a successful business. And you know what's bad for business? When players rack up suspension after suspension thanks to domestic incidents and drug abuse. Not because those things are morally wrong. But because when star players don't play, the game is much less appealing to the common fan.

Let's face it: whether or not you agree with hitting your child with a switch (side note: you definitely shouldn't agree with that), the game is more exciting when Adrian Peterson is tearing up opposing defenses.

And that's all fans care about.

So here's a nice conspiracy theory for you guys to chew on: Roger Goodell isn't stupid. He just acts stupid. On purpose.

Source: southpark.cc.com

Because while he keeps fucking up, the NFL continues to grow. What was once just a fall sport is now a 24/7 media cycle of controversy and miscues.

And in the special case of the NFL, it's almost as if any publicity is good publicity. I mean, if a domestic abuse problem isn't enough to even make a dent in your ratings or your revenue, then what is?


Never mind.

And why wouldn't Goodell flip-flop to piss off fans? If he's simultaneously pleasing the NFL owners that write his fat paychecks, then what does he have to lose? He just sits there, looks pretty, and gets bashed by the media day in and day out, but each year he's $30 million wealthier.

If someone offered you that much money to essentially keep your head up your ass, wouldn't you oblige? I sure as hell would.

He's essentially got a free pass to try to show some authority, because whenever he makes a decision, it's never upheld. So why not act tough, lay out ridiculous suspensions, and then just take a beating in the media when arbitrators and judges show time and time again that you really have no authority?

Because what NFL owners are looking for isn't a business savvy leader who can increase revenue and make them more money. Football is basically autonomous in that matter.

They just want a person that they can control like puppet, and Roger Goodell is that puppet.

And he just might know that. (But probably not.)

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Sports |  Source: mysnuggiestore.com

Tom Brady Can Sell Anything

It's only because he's Tom Brady.

Back in Medieval times, European peasants devoted their Sunday's to church. Fast-forward to 21st century New England and many take time on Sunday's in the fall to worship Patriots quarterback Tom Brady.

Man, this Brady guy can't do any wrong. Deflategate? Nah, that's just a witch hunt. Tom Brady is perfect in every single way. At least, that seems to be Patriots fans' logic, and Brady can use it to his advantage.

Earlier this week, Brady's website unleashed a "snack line", 12 bags of nuts -- 18.4 ounces of vegan-approved nuts -- for $50. They sold out in just a few hours. Considering Walmart sells 56 ounces of mixed nuts for about $20, by Walmart standards Brady is giving you about $7 worth of nuts. Ouch.

Wait! Why are Brady's nuts still an issue? I thought Deflategate was over! OK, no more nut talk.

How about that $200 "nutrition manual"? It's a cookbook with 89 of Brady's favorite healthy recipes, including one for avocado ice cream. For $200, it wouldn't be a bad deal if it were signed in gold ink. But it's not. And Brady's nutritionist is kind of a fraud anyways.

Why would anyone buy this stuff? Isn't it kind of ridiculous? No disrespect to anyone who did, it just seems a tad pricey. It's the name they're buying. Patrons of these products buy this stuff because it has the Brady name on it, TB12.

Would anyone be buying $50 JaMarcus Russell snacks or a $200 JaMarcus Russell cookbook? No. Cheetos are only a dollar in most vending machines. You could eat just like Russell for a dollar.

It sounds like the four-time Super Bowl champ and longtime Patriot is trying to skim money off people for success he has enjoyed on the field. Everyone knows someone who gets away with doing absurd things because they are well-liked or close with people of authority. That's just what Brady is doing right now -- and it's working.

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Sports |  Source: backingthepack.com

Patriots Win No Matter Who's Playing Quarterback

Because they're the fucking Patriots.

It just shows how good the system really is.

The New England Patriots were able to top the Houston Texans at home, 27-0 -- with their third string quarterback.

Jacoby Brissett wasn't really expected to play a down this year. The Pats were hoping Tom Brady was their starting quarterback. But then there was deflategate. Jimmy Garoppolo was supposed to be their backup quarterback. But then he got hurt in the Miami game.

And while they liked Brisset enough to pick him in the third round of this past NFL draft, they liked him as a third stringer. But right now, he's their starting quarterback. And they're able to beat quality teams with him under center.

Brissett didn't even run the same types of plays as Brady -- or Jimmy G. There was read option. There were lots of run plays. There was trickery. This was not the Patriots regular playbook. But it worked. And offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels deserves credit here -- even if he is a cheater.

In addition to McDaniels, Brissett received a lot of help from the guys around him. For example, the Pats recovered a fumble on a kick return to set him up for a 27-yard touchdown run. As you can see, the run was all him though.

It was even better with the old Taylor Swift country music I was listening to when it happened.

Some idiot recorded it with their phone vertically from the end zone too, so it's supposed to be a better view. But is it really?

I mean, I guess they're closer. But still...

In a very non-Patriotic performance, Brissett went 11 for 19 passing, throwing for 108 yards. He also rushed for more yards than any Patriots quarterback since 2008 -- 48 yards on eight carries. Those are some solid high school numbers right there.

So what exactly does this prove? I don't know. Maybe the Patriots have a great team without Tom Brady and he's just a nice piece of the team. They went 11-5 with Matt Cassel under center in 2008. But people assumed Cassel was good because he had Randy Moss and Wes Welker as targets and a really good defensive line. The Texans didn't run a single play in Patriots territory in the first half, so there's that.

Brissett looked better than Cassel though -- even if he wasn't running the Patriots full scheme. And Garoppolo was better than him. And Tom Brady is Tom Brady. Jimmy's hurt and Brady's suspended. But other than that, it's looking good.

So yes: without Brady, the Patriots are 14-5 if you add up Cassel's tenure and their 3-0 start this year.