I watch SportsCenter every morning. And when I say every morning, I don't mean almost every morning.
I mean I (like many 20-year-old males) watch SportsCenter literally every morning of my life. And what do I watch it for? Highlights!
But since Monday morning, rather than getting a hearty dosage of highlights, I've been getting a steady dosage of Antonio Brown and this ridiculous Facebook Live scandal. Instead of seeing dunks and top plays, I've been subjected to Mike Tomlin nearly losing his mind and a bunch of old NFL analysts mispronouncing and erroneously describing various social media platforms.
And call me crazy, but I think the extent to which SportsCenter has been harping on this whole Antonio Brown thing is downright disgusting. So without further ado, here are five events that, as far as I remember, received less attention than a man taking out his phone in an NFL locker room.
That was a joke. I don't think any sports topic has ever been talked about more than Tom Brady's deflated balls.
It's okay we're all here to have fun! Let's move onto the next one.
4. Andruw Jones Dragging His Wife Down A Staircase
I'm willing to bet that most people don't even know that this happened. However, in 2012, five-time all star Andruw Jones was accused of choking his wife, dragging her down a staircase, and even threatening to kill her.
This happened on Christmas morning. I was a junior in high school. Therefore, I was home the day the story broke, and almost definitely watching SportsCenter the morning the story would have been reported. Yet, I don't remember seeing anything about it. There may have been a brief mention of it, but no round-table discussions or heated debates.
Now, if Jones had dragged his wife down the staircase after she (unbeknownst to him) filmed him taking a dump or getting changed, I guess that would have been headline news?
But it wasn't.
3. The Kansas City Chiefs Drafting Tyreek Hill
Why is this a big deal? Why should a fifth-round draft pick have garnered so much media attention? And while we're at it, what made a talented guy like Hill slip to the fifth round anyway?
All of these questions can be resolved with one answer: in 2014, Tyreek Hill, then a receiver at Oklahoma State, was arrested for allegedly choking and punching his pregnant girlfriend. Also, I use allegedly very lightly, because he ended up pleading guilty but was only sentenced to three years probation (and a whopping $500 fine).
So why does this make it onto the list? Mainly because I (whose opinion matters so much) didn't know this about Tyreek Hill until he started torching NFL defenses during the 2016 season.
Shouldn't we have known about his past before he became a household name? Ehhhh, I guess it really doesn't matter when you run a 4.24 40-yard dash.
2. Peyton Manning Assaulting An Athletic Trainer
The life of this story was almost as short as Johnny Manziel's football career (sorry, I'm in a anti-Manziel mood today). Remember this? Right before Peyton Manning's swan song two years ago?
Come on you remember. How could you forget? Peyton Manning "forcefully maneuver[ing] his naked testicles and rectum directly" onto the face of Dr. Jamie Naughright when he was the star of the Tennessee football team. You remember now, right? Classic!
Furthermore, remember how Peyton Manning actually failed to deny that said event happened? No you don't! Because far be it from ESPN or the media in general to slander the almighty Peyton Manning.
But just think about that: arguably the greatest quarterback of all time tea-bagged an athletic trainer like a 12-year-old playing Halo, and it was barely even a blip on the radar.
1. Steve Phillips Sleeping With An ESPN Intern
Oh lord, a top tier scandal straight from the source. A lot of people may not know who Steve Phillips is, but I do (so ha), and I even remember the day he got fired. Hell, I even vaguely remember the announcement... all 20 seconds of it.
The story was simple: Steve Phillips, married man with children, former MLB GM, has an affair with a 22-year-old productions assistant who then went on to harass Phillip's family. A story as old as time itself!
And most people have never heard it! Why? Because Facebook Live didn't exist yet? I'm not sure, something like that.
But that's beside the point! Get it together ESPN!
And leave Antonio alone!