Lil Dicky Wants You to Wrap It (Video)
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Lil Dicky Wants You to Wrap It (Video)

He's the Steve Jobs of safe sex.

Wrapper Lil Dicky (see what I did there?) is the new face of Trojan Condoms. And what a spokesman he is. He also wants to talk to you about the importance of safe sex in club bathrooms.

The bizarre mix of his Steve Jobs turtleneck and Woody Allen delivery make an oddly effective, and hilarious, one-two punch combo. Plus, it's hella educational.

In other news, health teachers everywhere were laid off today in a controversial move to replace entire sex-ed classes with this video. Just kidding. But seriously, they should.

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The 4 Dos and Don'ts of Drunk Sex

One-night stands don't have to be awkward.

DO: Ask for consent
When you're drunk things can move too quickly. But don't let there be any ambiguity if you are planning on having sex. There is nothing sexier than hearing the word yes, so make sure you ask for consent before anything happens.

DON'T: Be afraid to ask for what you want
Drunken sex is sloppy by nature, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy it all the same. Take advantage of your low inhibitions and tell him exactly what feels good. He'll be happy to oblige; and you won't regret it.

DO: Still have foreplay
You may be tempted to get right to it, but foreplay is surprisingly good while drunk. It's definitely a little less of a fine art but it still totally has all the benefits of sober foreplay.

DON'T: Get discouraged
Whiskey dick is most definitely not a myth. Don't be offended at all if a guy can't get it up or keep it up. It has nothing to do with you. He's probably really regretting that 6th game of pong, but don't hold it against him. Just lighten the mood and have fun together.

DO: Use protection
Even if you are on birth control, you should still use a condom. Hungover you will be so grateful to not have to run out and get Plan B or worry about whatever is going around campus these days.

DON'T: Care too much about orgasming
It's much harder to climax when drunk; there's just no getting around it. Enjoy the sex while you're having it, but if it doesn't seem like you or your partner are going to finish, it isn't the end of the world.

DO: Clean up and remember to use the bathroom!
I'm not sure why this isn't the first thing they teach you in middle school health class. If you didn't know, UTIs are actually karma for you being a lazy fuck and not peeing after sex.

DON'T: Get embarrassed in the morning
Waking up super hungover next to last night's hook-up may be awkward at first, but it definitely doesn't have to be. Instead of tiptoeing out the door before he wakes up, start the morning with an even better pick-me-up than coffee ;)

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Lil Dicky Goes After NFL Players And It's Awesome (Video)

Pitting people against each other is as good as it gets.

The NFL is an intense profession to be in. It's undoubtedly the league with the most testosterone flowing around, seeing as grown men try and rip each other's heads off on a weekly basis for our enjoyment (thanks!).

With so much testosterone comes the thirst for insane competition. Every player in the league thinks he is the best at his position, even Sam Bradford, (though he isn't close to even a good quarterback, but I digress).

Lil Dicky, who somehow has unlimited access to NFL players in full uniform, tried to get Rob Gronkowski, Antonio Brown and Von Miller to say bad things about each other and filmed it. It's pretty comical, and shows just how trained these guys are by their team's PR staffs to say the politically correct thing.

Regardless, the video is pretty funny. And it let us know that Gronk really likes bananas, and might think they're berries. Gronk is the best.

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Hulkamania Runs Wild on Gawker

If you make a sex tape, and nobody watches it, is it still a sex tape?

In what must be the fattest price tag for a porno ever, Hulk Hogan was awarded a cool $115 mil in his lawsuit against Gawker Media.

The trial, which has given some of the strangest testimonies (don't click that link if you don't want the dimensions of Hulk Hogan's penis described to you), is being used as an example for gossip webzines everywhere: Private sex tapes are not news. Assuming the astronomical penalty sticks after the appeal, it could be a death sentence for Gawker.

The video depicts Hulk Hogan (real name, Terry Bollea), having consensual sex with a friend's wife. Hogan said that the publication of the tape caused him pain, both personal and economic. Gawker defended their right to publish the sex tape under the first amendment, saying it was "newsworthy".

Side note: The irony here is that when "The Fappening" happened, and celebrities like Jennifer Lawrence had their personal, private photos exposed, Gawker was quick to nobly defend a celebrity's right to privacy... a right which apparently doesn't extend to Hulk Hogan.

The most shocking part of this whole affair? The testimony of former Gawker editor Albert J. Daulerio, who, when asked about the newsworthiness of sex tapes, said that for it to not be news, the celebrity in question would have to be a child under the age of four. That's where he draws the line. Wow.

Here is a video of him eating his words. Starts at 4:21.

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When Your Squad Wants To Go Home But You Don't

Don't worry, I got a lil' trick up my sleeve that'll keep you partying.

I always find myself in the situation that, after a long night of fun and good cheer with the squad, I just want to keep going. Unfortunately, when you have a bad-ass squad of seven fine, young ladies, not all want to stay out as long as you want to.

Then, like mass hysteria, suddenly everyone wants to go home.

If you often (or ever) find yourself in this predicament, then listen up: let me take you on a journey through the night.

1. Genesis

The night is young and you all are feeling fresh and fine. You are ready for a night of fun with your squad and nothing is going to get in your way.

2. Squad UP

When squad rolls up, you know everyone is looking in envy. Who wouldn't want a squad like that? Feeling badass is just part of it.

3. Groovy Baby

Now you're really feeling yourself, and to hell with all the judgmental people, you are going to dance like nobody's business.

4. Get in formation

Now it's not just you getting jiggy wid it. The whole squad is in sync and everyone is having a damn good time together. It feels like the night is never going to end... and you sure as hell don't want it to.

5. The beginning of the end

Someone danced too hard, stopped drinking, or is being a Grade A loser (yeah, sorry not sorry, I'm harsh when it comes to this). They decide that it's OK to round up the troops and take the whole squad out of play. But, NO. I DON'T WANNA.

Normally when it comes to this point in the night, you either go home with the squad, or something weird happens. It's always a "fine, I'll leave" moment accompanied by annoyance and eye rolls until you get back to food. Oh hey, but wait a second...using the OurPlan app, you can forget your worries and keep getting jiggy wid it.

Kiss your squad goodnight and let them get their beauty sleep because your OurPlan app will let you can create an activity, control who comes, select a time, connect and chat through the app, and have a damn good time.

Sounds like a new party squad in the making (but keep the old, one is silver and the other's gold).

Raise a glass, because cheers to that. Party on, my friends.

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Michael Bloomberg Hammers "Safe Spaces" on Campuses (Video)

There aren't any safe spaces in the real world.

In a commencement speech at the University of Michigan, billionaire and media mogul Michael Bloomberg warned colleges against the trend of creating "safe spaces" on college campuses.

A safe space, for those who don't know, is a physical place at university where students can avoid opinions that dissent from their own, be it homophobia, racism, or anything that might "trigger" them.

Some people, like Bloomberg, believe this to be a form of coddling that doesn't prepare students from the real world, where he says there are no safe spaces.

Others, like the President of Northwestern University, say that "we all deserve safe spaces".

Personally, I don't like them. I think it's a small part of the unhealthy rhetoric of self-entitlement that's infecting my generation. We can't go through life with blinders on.

But it's easy for me to say that, because I say it as a white male who hasn't faced institutional racism, hasn't been bullied for my religion, and has never been a victim of rape.

Excuse the tired platitude, but there's no such thing as black and white, just shades of grey. There is no easy answer to the question mark that is 'safe spaces', and if you don't like my opinion, go find one.