Lil Dicky Wants You to Wrap It (Video)
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Lil Dicky Wants You to Wrap It (Video)

He's the Steve Jobs of safe sex.

Wrapper Lil Dicky (see what I did there?) is the new face of Trojan Condoms. And what a spokesman he is. He also wants to talk to you about the importance of safe sex in club bathrooms.

The bizarre mix of his Steve Jobs turtleneck and Woody Allen delivery make an oddly effective, and hilarious, one-two punch combo. Plus, it's hella educational.

In other news, health teachers everywhere were laid off today in a controversial move to replace entire sex-ed classes with this video. Just kidding. But seriously, they should.

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The 4 Dos and Don'ts of Drunk Sex

One-night stands don't have to be awkward.

DO: Ask for consent
When you're drunk things can move too quickly. But don't let there be any ambiguity if you are planning on having sex. There is nothing sexier than hearing the word yes, so make sure you ask for consent before anything happens.

DON'T: Be afraid to ask for what you want
Drunken sex is sloppy by nature, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy it all the same. Take advantage of your low inhibitions and tell him exactly what feels good. He'll be happy to oblige; and you won't regret it.

DO: Still have foreplay
You may be tempted to get right to it, but foreplay is surprisingly good while drunk. It's definitely a little less of a fine art but it still totally has all the benefits of sober foreplay.

DON'T: Get discouraged
Whiskey dick is most definitely not a myth. Don't be offended at all if a guy can't get it up or keep it up. It has nothing to do with you. He's probably really regretting that 6th game of pong, but don't hold it against him. Just lighten the mood and have fun together.

DO: Use protection
Even if you are on birth control, you should still use a condom. Hungover you will be so grateful to not have to run out and get Plan B or worry about whatever is going around campus these days.

DON'T: Care too much about orgasming
It's much harder to climax when drunk; there's just no getting around it. Enjoy the sex while you're having it, but if it doesn't seem like you or your partner are going to finish, it isn't the end of the world.

DO: Clean up and remember to use the bathroom!
I'm not sure why this isn't the first thing they teach you in middle school health class. If you didn't know, UTIs are actually karma for you being a lazy fuck and not peeing after sex.

DON'T: Get embarrassed in the morning
Waking up super hungover next to last night's hook-up may be awkward at first, but it definitely doesn't have to be. Instead of tiptoeing out the door before he wakes up, start the morning with an even better pick-me-up than coffee ;)

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Real Talk |  Source: YouTube

Lil Dicky's New Music Video Has To Be Seen To Be Believed

Brain gotta poop.

On Lil Dicky's debut album, he released a song (or story) titled "Pillow Talking" in which he discusses everything from the war to aliens to midgets with a girl with whom he has just had sex. Fans have been hysterical about it, because it will have you laughing through nearly all 11 minutes.

Today, he released the music video, and it has blow away expectations with its incredible visuals, and putting a sight to the song we've all adored. You should probably be high for full effect, but this video is not one to miss-- especially with the cameo from his own brain.

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Real Talk |  Source: FlockU, Shutterstock

The 5 Stages Of A Pregnancy Scare

AKA your life just might be over.

Ladies, you have all had a pregnancy scare, especially if you're as paranoid as I am. I had the thought "I am the next Virgin Mary!" multiple times when my period was late growing up.

Men, it is likely (purely based on men I have spoken to) that you've been through a pregnancy scare. Your girlfriend, (or one night stand) let you know that she's late.

On either side, if you, or the girl you're banging fairly regularly, are nervous that you're going to be positive, you're in for a wild ride. Let's call it "The Five Stages of Grief: the Coaster!"

As with any roller coaster, you'll start by going up. You'll climb the hill of denial.

"She's not pregnant, just late. She's been stressed, not eating. That's what causing her to be late. Nothing to worry about, just wait it out."

Then comes the 90 degree drop, straight down the hill of anger. The two of you will inevitably start arguing about pregnancy, what path to take, who isn't worrying enough, and who is worrying too much.

Heading back up the next hill, you'll bargain with your future. You start thinking of ways to get out of it.

If you don't eat now, it'll force a miscarriage, and then you can pretend like you were never pregnant. You'll never have sex without a condom again if you come out of this unscathed.

Then you'll fall down into depression as all of the endless consequences arise.

How will you raise a child? How do you tell your parents? What comes next?

However, the ride has two paths at this point. Down one road is a whole new coaster, the roller coaster of a confirmed pregnancy. Now you have to accept that it is real.

The other road leads to no baby, and everyone breathing a sigh of relief. For the girl in the scenario, her life will be back in her hands, but now her uterus is going to murder her and ruin all her favorite panties.

Either way, this pregnancy scare ride is over. It's time to move on with your life, and hopefully you don't ride the same coaster twice.

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Real Talk |  Source: FlockU, Shutterstock

1980's Sex-Ed Was Seriously Messed Up

A closer look abstinence propaganda.

This video was shown in my eighth grade health class. Now let me tell you, there are so, so many different things about this to discuss, but I'll only address a few.

1. Shoes. WTF.
This video objectifies women in the grossest way possible. It addresses virginity as something that you give someone, rather than an arbitrary name used to identify a certain event. Not to mention the idea that losing this mythical "virginity" changes you (or your shoes) at all.

Speaking of which...

2. Vaginas do not wear out. Ever.
Yes, even if 'the whole football team' has fucked you, your vagina is not going to magically change shape or size in any way. The idea that your vagina is useless after having sex, and noticeably so after multiple infractions, has been around for centuries.

However, the vagina is a muscle, and changes shape just like the dick does, returning back to it's normal tightness... even after childbirth! So there is no way that just by looking at your cooch is a man going to know if you've had sex, let alone how often.

3. Slut shaming your wife is not OK
This man apparently loves this woman, but he treats her like a defective prize. He yells at her for the state of her shoes, and for not waiting like he did. He even disregards her saying "I didn't know how to say no" which speaks vaguely of unwanted or unenthusiastic sex.

He doesn't care how she feels about the situation, just that ] her lack of virginity is a direct attack on him (it's not, just FYI).

4. Don't forget your socks!
OK, if we're running with the whole "these shoes are a vagina, and your foot is a dick" metaphor, then using socks as a metaphor for condoms is actually pretty damn hilarious. Especially when you factor in that some guys use socks to masturbate!

Still, overall this is a pretty horrific video to be showing in a middle school. After watching that, no sexually promiscuous girl is going to ask questions about how to be safe. So instead of promoting abstinence, this video is more likely to just harm young girls who think they have permanently ruined their bodies.

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Real Talk |  Source: FlockU, Shutterstock

Stealthing: What You Need to Know

It's not cool and it's certainly not a "trend".

You may have seen the term in the news or are just seeing it for the first time. Stealthing: the practice of removing a condom during sex without consent. Labeled a "sex trend", stealthing is much more than just a "sex trend" and comes with risks and dangers you need to know about.

From a report in the Columbia Journal of Gender and Law, stealthing is removing a condom during sex without consent. This practice is nonconsensual and doing so turns consensual sex into non consensual sex.

Stealthing is sexual assault.
When you consent to sex with a condom, that doesn't mean you consent to sex without a condom. They are two very different things. Stealthing puts a person at risk physically, emotionally, and financially.

There are also feelings of violation of their bodies and their trust. A victim in the report said that stealthing felt like a "rape-adjacent".

Stealthing is dangerous.
The risks of stealthing include unwanted pregnancy, possible contraction of sexually transmitted infections and the feeling of being violated. Because this practice isn't widely known or talked about, women don't know what to call it.

In the Columbia report, a woman, Rebecca, works at a rape crisis center and is a victim of this practice herself. She says, "Their stories often start out the same way: I'm not sure if this is rape, but..."

There are forums and websites dedicated to stealthing.
In the report, internet forums are mentioned for perpetrators of stealthing to give advice for tricking a partner, encouragement for stealthing, and how to stealth.

Those who practice stealthing justify it by saying it's a natural male instinct and even going so far as to call it a right for a man to "spread his seed". Stealthers on forums go so far as to say their sexual partners deserve to be impregnated because "that's how god created this universe, we are born to do it."

There is little legal recourse.
In the United States, it's hard for victims of sexual assault to get legal action. For victims of stealthing, it's even harder. Currently in the United States, there is no legal record of a stealthing case (it's worth noting that a man in Switzerland was convicted of stealthing).

In the report, victims of stealthing say they hadn't considered legal options. The report examines potential avenues for stealthing victims, such as criminal law, tort law or civil rights options for victims.

Stealthing is sexual assault. And while it may not be widely recognized by US law or the public, stealthing is a huge breach of trust and bodily autonomy.

If you are a victim of stealthing or other sexual violence, you can contact RAINN at 1-800-656-4673 or at their website.