There's one thing in my apartment that I can count on. And no, it's not my vibrator (though that was a good guess!). It's Netflix.
It's always there. No matter what kind of day I've had, I know I can always come home to my beloved Netflix. Sometimes I'm pretty tired, and I just want something to entertain me until I drift off to sleep. Sometimes I can't sleep at all, and I'm really in need of some entertainment.
Thank goodness my parents pay for my Netflix subscription.
If you're like me and you use Netflix all the time, here are eight reasons why you should just go ahead and give up sex and rely on Netflix - and Netflix alone - to get your life's pleasures.
1. Netflix doesn't get tired and roll over.
Be honest with yourself. You've experienced this. You're really into it and before you know it, they're asleep. Netflix doesn't play these kinds of games with you. It's there when you want it, and it's easy to turn off when you aren't feeling it anymore. Isn't it a great feeling to be so in-control?
2. Netflix doesn't snore after a "happy ending."
You're both tired. You had a great run. Your warm butts are pressed up against each other and you're in the perfect position to...
And then he's snoring.
No sir. Not okay.
Netflix will never do this to you. You can finish the best episode of your life and drift off to sleep in complete silence (if you want). There's no snoring, heavy breathing, or sleep talking.
3. Netflix doesn't require any kind of uncomfortable protection. You can watch it in the "rawest" form.
Crawl into bed. Fire it up. And enjoy. There are no extra steps. You don't have to worry about being "prepared" or keeping your nightstand stocked. As long as you've got your laptop and internet, you're good to go.
4. Netflix doesn't make you change positions. You get to choose.
Is your hip hurting? Are your thighs tired? Do you want to lay on your back? Stomach? Hell, do you wanna stand up? Netflix can do it all.
5. You can tell it when to finish.
Captions or no captions. Bright or dim. You are in control. You can have it exactly how you want it. Netflix doesn't whine about "not wanting to put in the work." You get to be demanding.
6. Netflix doesn't make a mess.
There is literally zero clean-up. Just shut your laptop and move on to your next activity. No laundry to have to throw in after an especially messy session. No shower to be had. Netflix can take care of itself.
7. You don't have to replay the episodes you aren't into.
You weren't really feeling the newest episode of your previously favorite show? You don't have to revisit it. You can abandon it and not even feel bad about hurting its feelings.
8. Netflix will always be there.
At your fingertips, you have the one thing that can please you in every capacity. Tired or not tired. Sore or not sore. Netflix is the solution to all your problems and it will always be there for you. No matter what.
Well. As long as you pay your monthly subscription.