FBI Just Wrapped Up Another Crime Solving Case
WTF is Going on? |  Source: sportingnews.com

FBI Just Wrapped Up Another Crime Solving Case

If it weren't for these guys, we'd all be doomed.

Well, our boys at the Federal Bureau of Investigation did it again!

Talk about a national crisis. Would it be too far to say International crisis? Not only Americans should be concerned with Brady's Super Bowl winning jersey, but people across the globe need to care. These are the issues that matter.

This is the moment the jersey goes missing. Notice the two faceless men in suits discussing the crime very privately. It's like those old cartoons where they don't show the adult's heads and muffle their voices. The jersey was found today by the FBI meaning they can go back to doing all the other unimportant stuff they do relative to a crime of this magnitude such as a Russia hacking investigation. Boring! Sad!

Robert Kraft chimed in, telling FOX Business Network's Maria Bartiromo "It's very sad to me that someone would do something like this. It's like taking a great Chagall or Picasso or something. You can never display it. And somehow, I feel there'll be some news that'll clear this up in the not-too-distant future."

I would even turn that around and say a great Chagall or Picasso is like taking a great Brady jersey. It's an artifact of magnitude never before seen in human history!

This is why people hate the Patriots...

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WTF is Going on? | 

Super Bowl 50: Thoughts of the Die-Hard Sports Fan vs. the Casual Observer

This is the best Sunday of the year/I give zero fucks about who wins this game.

Sports lovers: The best Sunday of the year is quickly approaching. Will the new-school, dabbin', Versace pants wearing Cam Newton win his first title in an incredible MVP season, or will the old-school, Papa John's lovin', sure to be Hall-of-Famer Peyton Manning ride off into the horizon as the sun sets with another championship ring? Either way, everyone will be watching.

The casual observer: Look, I like sports, in a casual sort of way. I played a college sport, but when it comes down to it, I'm not sure I really care about who wins the Super Bowl. Ok, tbh I give zero fucks about who wins this game, or any other football game for that matter. The only sports team I really care about the Cincinnati Reds and that's only because Joey Votto is on the team, and he's a total smokeshow. Anyway, inevitably, every year, the Super Bowl rolls around, and I begrudgingly prepare myself to watch an entire sporting event. From start to finish. Woof.

Presented without further comment: thoughts of both the casual observer and the die hard sports fan

Die-Hard Sports Fan:

We should drink.

I AM SO EXCITED.

I wonder who's going to win.

I wonder if this will be Peyton Manning's last Super Bowl.

But he's such a weirdo.

He also has a big forehead.

More like a fivehead.

We should get wings.

If my bet doesn't hit, I'll just pay off my student loans with stripper money.

If my bet hits, I'm gonna save a lot of it.

Or I could buy nice alcohol.

Cam Newton is so cool.

Do you think we'll see a nipple in the halftime performance?

Jay-Z would be pissed if everyone saw Beyonc?'s nipple.

It's cool because Rob Gronkowski will be at the after party taking handle pulls like it's nothing.

I wish Gronk was my best friend.

I wish Gronk was my Dad.

This game is so much better because Eli Manning isn't playing.

Eli's the nerdy younger brother that reads calculus books for fun.

I miss Tom Brady.

I'm so high, I forgot to order food.

Wait, I'm so high I forgot I ordered food.

This better not be a blowout.

I hope my mom doesn't call.

I coulda made that catch.

You know, like, relative to my skill.

GODDAMN WHAT A SACK.

Yelling is totally mandatory. Sorry, neighbors.

This is the best day of the year.

Let's order more food.

If the game's a close one: WHAT A GAME WHAT A GAME.

If it's a blowout: My entire life is a letdown.

[Game ends]

Yes, the aftershow. Can't wait to unpack what just happened with the SportsCenter guys.

God, I can't wait until next year.

Casual Sports Fans:

Alright who's actually playing in this game?

OK, memorize colors of each team now.

Man, those guys really look phenom in those tight pants. I wonder how much these guys can squat. Because they are DEFINITELY doing their squats.

OK, beer me.

I wonder if Eric Decker is playing.

Damn, his wife is so hot. I wonder how she gets her face to be so hot?

I wonder when she's going to release a new song. I really like her music. Oh! And what about their reality show. When's that coming back?

*scrolls through phone*

OK, beer me.

I should really bring back the term sexual.

OK, back to the game, pay attention. Everyone else is cheering, what happened?

Yum, buffalo chicken dip. I wonder how much I can eat of this in one sitting. At least it's something to do.

Is this canned chicken? Ha, remember when Jessica Simpson asked is this tuna or chicken? I died.

Whatever happened to her? Man, she really looked great back in day.

OK, beer me.

*scrolls through phone*

But her Insta is so damn weird now. Who teaches their toddler daughter to do the duck face?

When is the fuck is duck face going to die for good?

OK, beer me.

Oooh commercials. OMIGOD STAMPEDING WEINER DOGS.

I wonder if I DVRed the Puppy Bowl.

Call me crazy, but I KNOW my dog watches TV.

Last year I forgot to record the Puppy Bowl and he was mad at me, I swear.

OK, beer me.

This is why I never watch sports.

I wonder how Carrie Underwood got the deal to do the Monday Night Football intro.

She's so pretty. I read once that she does her own hair and makeup. So talented.

OK, beer me.

*scrolls through phone*

Ugh her husband is super hot, too. What did they name their baby again?

Speaking of, whatever happened to Tony Romo? Did you know his wife's brother is the guy from Gossip Girl?

God, that was a good show. Blake Lively is my ultimate girl crush.

*scrolls through phone*

James is such a cute name for a girl. Unlike that dickhead I dated in college.

OK, beer me.

Oh man, third quarter already? Sweet.

(Game ends.) Act like you've been paying attention this whole time.

*scrolls through phone to find out who wins*

Wait, there's a whole ceremony at the end? I'm out. Netflix in bed for me.

Good game, guys. 'til next year!

Photo Source: sarahliard, toellnma

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WTF is Going on? |  Source: forthewin.com

How Well Do You Know Tom Brady? (Quiz)

Brady's Back...Tell a Friend.

Guess who's back
Back Again
Brady's Back...
Tell your friends

If you didn't already know that Tom Brady will be playing in the Super Bowl this Sunday with the Patriots to try and win his fifth Title (and serious hardware), this quiz will be a complete blowout.

But for those of you who worship the football demigod, or just have an obsession for taking down the Deflategate fiend, this quiz will prove just how well you know this QB, on and off the field.

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WTF is Going on? |  Source: usatoday.com

Atlanta Zoo Pulls A Savage Move On Providence Zoo

You've never seen a zoo retaliation like this.

Before the Super Bowl, an Atlanta and a Providence zoo made a bet over the result of the game in which the loser had to name one of its baby animals after the winning team's quarterback. So, in case you haven't heard yet, the Patriots won Super Bowl LI (sorry rock dwellers) and the Atlanta Zoo had to name one of its new baby animals Tom Brady.

I can imagine the grin the zoologists at the Providence Zoo had on their zoo faces when they imagined a new orangutan or maybe even a falcon being named after their lord and savior, Tom Brady.

However, the Atlanta Zoo pulled an absolutely savage move (for zoo standards) and named a new baby Madagascar hissing COCKROACH after Brady. Not only did they choose a cockroach to honor the bet and Brady, they chose the smallest cockroach in the bunch. Wow, I did not see that one coming.

The one thing to compare such a response to is paying a $1,000 bet in pennies. Absolutely merciless.

Man, did that bet come back to bit Providence zoo people in the butts. Instead of having some glorious animal that would live for decades be named Tom Brady, they get a cockroach who will live for 2-5 years (according to the Encyclopedia of Life).

You can check out the Instagram video for yourself. This woman should feel very smart for not showing her face in that video because I know she has the biggest zoo grin on that zoo face of hers when she holds up little, bitty, wimpy Tom Brady the cockroach. You know if the Providence zoo people saw it, they'd send some secret zoo agents after her to mess her up a little. Savage move Atlanta zoo, savage!

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WTF is Going on? |  Source: si.com

Julian Edelman Mic'd Up For Amazing Super Bowl Catch

You know... THE catch.

You all know the catch I am referring to. It was the catch of the Super Bowl since David Tyree's hemet catch against the very same New England Patriots in 2007. Some even argue that Edelman's catch was even more spectacular than Tyree's. Edelman claimed that his catch was 70 percent and 30 percent luck.

Very humble, Julian. Let's take a look... and a listen.

While it may have been primarily luck that put that ball in Julian's hands for the huge 23 yard gain, he knows he caught it from the moment he was down and nobody was going to tell him otherwise.

The bobbling catch came on the drive after Julio Jones had made a spectacular 27 yard toe tapping sideline catch that looked like it would set up a game clinching field goal at the New England 22, but alas, the Falcons were pushed back to the Patriots' 45 yard line after a slew of sacks, pressures, and penalties. Edelman made the catch with two and a half minutes remaining in the game to put the ball on the Atlanta 41 yard line.

Edelman was also mic'd up after James Whites' winning end zone punch-in in overtime. Edelman was trying to calm his team down until the play was reviewed. He tells teammates and cameramen to "get the fuck off the field!" That is, until Coach Belichick comes up and reassures him that the game is over and the Patriots are indeed, five time Super Bowl champions.

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WTF is Going on? |  Source: backingthepack.com

Patriots Win No Matter Who's Playing Quarterback

Because they're the fucking Patriots.

It just shows how good the system really is.

The New England Patriots were able to top the Houston Texans at home, 27-0 -- with their third string quarterback.

Jacoby Brissett wasn't really expected to play a down this year. The Pats were hoping Tom Brady was their starting quarterback. But then there was deflategate. Jimmy Garoppolo was supposed to be their backup quarterback. But then he got hurt in the Miami game.

And while they liked Brisset enough to pick him in the third round of this past NFL draft, they liked him as a third stringer. But right now, he's their starting quarterback. And they're able to beat quality teams with him under center.

Brissett didn't even run the same types of plays as Brady -- or Jimmy G. There was read option. There were lots of run plays. There was trickery. This was not the Patriots regular playbook. But it worked. And offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels deserves credit here -- even if he is a cheater.

In addition to McDaniels, Brissett received a lot of help from the guys around him. For example, the Pats recovered a fumble on a kick return to set him up for a 27-yard touchdown run. As you can see, the run was all him though.

It was even better with the old Taylor Swift country music I was listening to when it happened.

Some idiot recorded it with their phone vertically from the end zone too, so it's supposed to be a better view. But is it really?

I mean, I guess they're closer. But still...

In a very non-Patriotic performance, Brissett went 11 for 19 passing, throwing for 108 yards. He also rushed for more yards than any Patriots quarterback since 2008 -- 48 yards on eight carries. Those are some solid high school numbers right there.

So what exactly does this prove? I don't know. Maybe the Patriots have a great team without Tom Brady and he's just a nice piece of the team. They went 11-5 with Matt Cassel under center in 2008. But people assumed Cassel was good because he had Randy Moss and Wes Welker as targets and a really good defensive line. The Texans didn't run a single play in Patriots territory in the first half, so there's that.

Brissett looked better than Cassel though -- even if he wasn't running the Patriots full scheme. And Garoppolo was better than him. And Tom Brady is Tom Brady. Jimmy's hurt and Brady's suspended. But other than that, it's looking good.

So yes: without Brady, the Patriots are 14-5 if you add up Cassel's tenure and their 3-0 start this year.