FBI Just Wrapped Up Another Crime Solving Case
Real Talk |  Source: sportingnews.com

FBI Just Wrapped Up Another Crime Solving Case

If it weren't for these guys, we'd all be doomed.

Well, our boys at the Federal Bureau of Investigation did it again!

Talk about a national crisis. Would it be too far to say International crisis? Not only Americans should be concerned with Brady's Super Bowl winning jersey, but people across the globe need to care. These are the issues that matter.

This is the moment the jersey goes missing. Notice the two faceless men in suits discussing the crime very privately. It's like those old cartoons where they don't show the adult's heads and muffle their voices. The jersey was found today by the FBI meaning they can go back to doing all the other unimportant stuff they do relative to a crime of this magnitude such as a Russia hacking investigation. Boring! Sad!

Robert Kraft chimed in, telling FOX Business Network's Maria Bartiromo "It's very sad to me that someone would do something like this. It's like taking a great Chagall or Picasso or something. You can never display it. And somehow, I feel there'll be some news that'll clear this up in the not-too-distant future."

I would even turn that around and say a great Chagall or Picasso is like taking a great Brady jersey. It's an artifact of magnitude never before seen in human history!

This is why people hate the Patriots...

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Real Talk |  Source: wallpapersdsc.net

Tom Brady's Jersey Gets Stolen AGAIN

Guy can't catch a break.

Today at the Red Sox opening day, Tom Brady and a few other members of the New England Patriots were honored on the mound for their Super Bowl victory (please come back soon, football). They had the Super Bowl trophies out there, along with James White and Dion Lewis.

The ceremony was all fun and games until another lunatic decided to steal Brady's championship game jersey! Brady actually chased him down, and tackled him just outside of the infield, as Red Sox players stared at the players making a mockery of their profession.

Yeah, Gronk is just straight up out of his mind, and also arguably the funniest athlete in sports. It must be hard for Brady to basically have his tight end be his son. Need more proof that Gronk may be certifiably insane? Before the Sox game today, he was at WrestleMania last night.

@jindermahal started it!!! Never ever steal my drink and never ever dare throw it back at me!!!

A post shared by Rob Gronkowski (@gronk) on

If I'm a Pats fan, watching Gronk hit like that would make me piss my pants. Get some rest and get ready for next year, dude.

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Real Talk |  Source: mysnuggiestore.com

Tom Brady Can Sell Anything

It's only because he's Tom Brady.

Back in Medieval times, European peasants devoted their Sunday's to church. Fast-forward to 21st century New England and many take time on Sunday's in the fall to worship Patriots quarterback Tom Brady.

Man, this Brady guy can't do any wrong. Deflategate? Nah, that's just a witch hunt. Tom Brady is perfect in every single way. At least, that seems to be Patriots fans' logic, and Brady can use it to his advantage.

Earlier this week, Brady's website unleashed a "snack line", 12 bags of nuts -- 18.4 ounces of vegan-approved nuts -- for $50. They sold out in just a few hours. Considering Walmart sells 56 ounces of mixed nuts for about $20, by Walmart standards Brady is giving you about $7 worth of nuts. Ouch.

Wait! Why are Brady's nuts still an issue? I thought Deflategate was over! OK, no more nut talk.

How about that $200 "nutrition manual"? It's a cookbook with 89 of Brady's favorite healthy recipes, including one for avocado ice cream. For $200, it wouldn't be a bad deal if it were signed in gold ink. But it's not. And Brady's nutritionist is kind of a fraud anyways.

Why would anyone buy this stuff? Isn't it kind of ridiculous? No disrespect to anyone who did, it just seems a tad pricey. It's the name they're buying. Patrons of these products buy this stuff because it has the Brady name on it, TB12.

Would anyone be buying $50 JaMarcus Russell snacks or a $200 JaMarcus Russell cookbook? No. Cheetos are only a dollar in most vending machines. You could eat just like Russell for a dollar.

It sounds like the four-time Super Bowl champ and longtime Patriot is trying to skim money off people for success he has enjoyed on the field. Everyone knows someone who gets away with doing absurd things because they are well-liked or close with people of authority. That's just what Brady is doing right now -- and it's working.

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Real Talk |  Source: backingthepack.com

Patriots Win No Matter Who's Playing Quarterback

Because they're the fucking Patriots.

It just shows how good the system really is.

The New England Patriots were able to top the Houston Texans at home, 27-0 -- with their third string quarterback.

Jacoby Brissett wasn't really expected to play a down this year. The Pats were hoping Tom Brady was their starting quarterback. But then there was deflategate. Jimmy Garoppolo was supposed to be their backup quarterback. But then he got hurt in the Miami game.

And while they liked Brisset enough to pick him in the third round of this past NFL draft, they liked him as a third stringer. But right now, he's their starting quarterback. And they're able to beat quality teams with him under center.

Brissett didn't even run the same types of plays as Brady -- or Jimmy G. There was read option. There were lots of run plays. There was trickery. This was not the Patriots regular playbook. But it worked. And offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels deserves credit here -- even if he is a cheater.

In addition to McDaniels, Brissett received a lot of help from the guys around him. For example, the Pats recovered a fumble on a kick return to set him up for a 27-yard touchdown run. As you can see, the run was all him though.

It was even better with the old Taylor Swift country music I was listening to when it happened.

Some idiot recorded it with their phone vertically from the end zone too, so it's supposed to be a better view. But is it really?

I mean, I guess they're closer. But still...

In a very non-Patriotic performance, Brissett went 11 for 19 passing, throwing for 108 yards. He also rushed for more yards than any Patriots quarterback since 2008 -- 48 yards on eight carries. Those are some solid high school numbers right there.

So what exactly does this prove? I don't know. Maybe the Patriots have a great team without Tom Brady and he's just a nice piece of the team. They went 11-5 with Matt Cassel under center in 2008. But people assumed Cassel was good because he had Randy Moss and Wes Welker as targets and a really good defensive line. The Texans didn't run a single play in Patriots territory in the first half, so there's that.

Brissett looked better than Cassel though -- even if he wasn't running the Patriots full scheme. And Garoppolo was better than him. And Tom Brady is Tom Brady. Jimmy's hurt and Brady's suspended. But other than that, it's looking good.

So yes: without Brady, the Patriots are 14-5 if you add up Cassel's tenure and their 3-0 start this year.

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Real Talk |  Source: newsweek.com

Tom Brady Takes On A Sumo Wrestler?

This should be fun to watch.

Tom Brady has had one hell of a year so far, having another Super Bowl under his belt and soaking in all the glory. This guy can do anything! Well, think again.

While Tom Brady was touring Asia, he made a pitstop to participate in sumo wrestling practice. Yes, you read that right. Would anyone think Tom Brady stands a chance against these sumo wrestlers? Have a look for yourself.

As I expected, Tom Brady doesn't stand a chance against that sumo wrestler. I mean, Brady couldn't even move the damn guy!

Now we all know Tom Brady isn't perfect and that he can't do everything, but I give him credit for at least trying. Hopefully these sumo wrestlers don't ever see him on the football field though, because that would be a whole different outcome for Brady.

I think this is good practice for Brady so that he can take all the hits he wants on the field by the defense, expect they probably won't be as big as these sumo wrestlers. If you're a quarterback and want to practice taking hits, then travel to Asia and practice getting hit by sumo wrestlers!

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Real Talk |  Source: media.spokesman.com

Tom Brady Is That Smart Kid Who Is Never Satisfied

Just take your 90 and shut up. We hate you.

It has been 16 months since the Patriots manhandled the Colts in the AFC Championship game. You may remember the Deflategate scandal in which Patriots quarterback Tom Brady was accused of tampering with the footballs' air pressure. He was sentenced to a four game suspension, but has appealed it over and over. The latest appeal was on Monday. This will be his second hearing from the 2nd US Circuit Court of Appeals.

It seems like we hear about this case and a new appeal about once a month during the off season. I guess Brady has nothing better to do, except that he is married to Giselle, so he definitely has something better to do.

Brady may remind you of that kid we have always gone to school with that gets a 90 on an exam, but is publicly pissed off about it and always goes back to the professor to try to appeal his grade in the hopes of getting a few points back to save his "horrible" grade. We all know that guy, and we all hate that guy.

As you see from that gif, Brady has four Super Bowl rings and has obviously had a lot of success, just like that kid we know. Tom Brady was rightly accused of cheated on an exam (over a year ago) and keeps getting his (inevitable) punishment pushed back because he is the teacher's pet and face of the school (aka Goodell's pet and face of the NFL).

Brady is arguing that Goodell's appeal ruling was "biased, agenda-driven, and self-approving." Brady's legal team is arguing that this decision could have major implications for labor laws and the collective bargaining agreement. I'm not sure how this is an argument. The evidence points towards Brady for being the one responsible for the deflated footballs that gave the Patriots an advantage and he should man up and serve his suspension just like any other player who gets in trouble.

Look at Josh Gordon. The guy has been sitting out for two years because he can't stop smoking pot. He has been serving his time (after trying to argue second hand smoke) just like the rest of them. Just because Brady didn't target a player or fail multiple drug tests doesn't make his suspension less legitimate. In fact, it makes it more legitimate as it is a more serious issue for the integrity of the league, which Goodell is trying to protect.

This really has been quite the duel between these two men and if you love sports politics then this story has probably made you pretty excited. As Larry David says, this scandal has been:

However, it has been quite overblown and drawn out because of Brady's stubbornness and public displays of anger about his little four game suspension. If he delays this any longer, he will be allowed to play the full sixteen game schedule this season and you will be hearing about the NFL's version of the kid who appeals his A- more next summer.