Confessions Of A Former Cam Girl
Real Talk |  Source: L. Smith, Shutterstock

Confessions Of A Former Cam Girl

Hustle for the tokens.

I'll set the scene for you: a broke college student who needs to put food on the table, with a schedule so swamped that it's hard to set aside hours outside of classes, schoolwork, internships and campus work studies to work a part-time job while at school.

Would love to quickly say: believe me, we tried getting those jobs, but even meager four hour shifts is a lot of time out of the day if you're super busy always.

Anyways, fast forward past some agonizing over my bank account, deep research and talking to my friends who are cam models, and I decided to make an account on a cam site and become a cam model.

"What's a cam model?" you might be asking. A cam model is essentially somebody who gets naked on cam for money, and depending on the "donation" (as they're called), will do various things on the cam. As I've said before about other forms of sex work, not really a big deal.

On most cam sites, a model will go live in a big chatroom, be on cam and talk to viewers and perform when they've made their donations. There is typically a list of set prices for different things, and many models are very clear on their boundaries, though they are sometimes open to off-list requests if things are within those boundaries.

The website that I initially registered for was different, being very one-on-one. You would message or chat with people solo, and do only private cam shows for an agreed upon price per minute and time. You could also easily sell pics and videos. It really was a good deal. For reasons I will disclose later, I chose to leave the website and register elsewhere on a site with the big chatroom style.

As I crawled my way towards the finishing line of undergrad, I decided to quit camming and snooped about for freelance work (that's another story for another day), and I probably won't ever go back. The money was great, and I didn't hate the work itself, but it just wasn't for me and I wasn't happy to go live on the site anymore.

However, I did learn some really interesting things about the camming world, about life in general and even about myself while being a cam girl:

People love to waste your time and/or try to rip you off.
If I had gotten a dollar (or some tokens) for every time somebody said they'd pay me for something (it is a general rule to pay the cam model before they do anything for you) and then vanished, I'd never have to work again in my life.

There's plenty of people on those sites who are general time-wasters, which makes little sense to me when they're already agreeing to pay somebody, but whateverrrrr.

Some users of these sites will also absolutely read your prices and try to haggle with you. Every so often I'd be a little lenient if they really seemed like they'd come back to buy more (proceed with caution due to above), but most of the time you just gotta put your foot down and say, "These are my prices, and they are not changing."

That person will probably not buy, but there's always somebody out there who will.

It was definitely super annoying though, and on the first website I was on, other models began selling content for so cheap that nobody was willing to pay prices that were even slightly higher, so I ended up leaving and moving on to the second site (people thinking a dollar a minute for a ten minute show is a good offer are out of their minds).

People are gross.
Nobody who will be paying you on that site is into vanilla stuff. I will tell you that right now. Nobody. Not even a little bit.

This all makes sense, and it isn't like nobody knows this, but it can totally be startling to a new model who may not have begun to fathom the depths of depravity lurking on those sites. Obviously you can state boundaries, but there are people looking for some wild content on there.

Nothing is off-limits as long as it is within the site's rules (because the sites do indeed have their own regulated boundaries, thank god).

An example: I once had to record a video of myself peeing. Just peeing, nothing more. It was definitely weird but I was like, "Money is money" while totally wondering why people are paying for that.

I won't get too graphic, but people will ask for unconventional use of toys, things that can substitute as toys, lingerie or things totally wilder than can be said even on here (geez). You either just gotta step up and pretend you enjoy it for that cash, or quickly and firmly set the boundary. Needless to say, you learn about what makes you uncomfortable fast.

People are annoying.
Like in all service jobs, you must be nice to the customer (with a little more leniency since you're in charge here, hotshot), and that gets difficult. Between the people who are just downright rude (I'll get to them later) and the people who for some reason are trying to wife you up and/or meet up in real life (NOTE: DO NOT DO THIS, NOT EVER), sometimes you'll go online and just be thinking "you are damn annoying" the entire time.

For some reason, they all think they're perfect gentlemen (or gentlewomen) on there.

Unfortunately, customers like nice people, so you have to slather on your biggest smile and play nice. Somebody's messaged you five times in a row asking if you're online?

Hi, how are you? Someone keeps pestering you to meet up and be their "plaything"? As great as that sounds, you don't do meet-ups, sorry! Someone relentlessly sexting you on there and you aren't into it? Ooh, you're bad, I want to...

Gotta brush up on your acting skills here.

Regulars are amazing.
With all that being said, juxtaposed to annoying, gross time-wasters are people who can't give you enough money. I wish this was a problem I had all of the time (but with no work in return for said cash).

These people are the best. Usually they're very sweet, respectful and want to throw money at you because they think you're hot and/or want to see you do stuff they like. They also, like... talk to you about stuff and actually care? It's wild.

Always proceed with caution, naturally, but accept that ego boost, baby, they'll make you feel like a million bucks (and hopefully give you lots of money to start working towards having a million).

You must be devoted to your craft and have a thick skin.
Another part of the reason I ended up leaving the cam world was that I ended up not really having the heart for it. To be successful on there (as in, make salary income on there), you have to be devoted. You have to be designing pro pages, bundling up content and doing whatever you can to make money and keep people coming back.

Sex work is way harder than most people realize, like, all facets of it. You have to actually try, and I ended up so annoyed and disillusioned that I was over it.

Part of this is because you have to have thick, thick skin to be on there. I'm not really the type of person to take things strangers say to heart too often, but there's totally the occasional person on there who will harass you. Everybody is hiding behind a mask of anonymity: the customer and especially you yourself (stage names and fake locations, people!), so naturally, humans say, "I can be a total garbage can and get away with it."

I didn't really want to be told about people's fantasies of assault against me, or about anything that was blatantly not OK to say to another person. It only happened twice in my six-month run, but it was twice too many times.

I am much more confident now.
I've spent a lot of time dwelling on the negatives of camming, but I learned a lot about myself through it. Aside from being more comfortable with myself, I've seen how it's changed how I function in the real world, too. I was a push-over before, but now I'm not as meek, I'm less willing to be pushed around, will put my foot down more and I just feel more confident overall.

A lot of the negative things I've noted here are super distorted versions of real-life situations too (minus any sexual factors, probably). When aren't people trying to waste your time or rip you off? When aren't people annoying? You should probably work hard at your job, and having a thick skin is kind of necessary in this day and age.

By learning how to deal with the extremes on cam sites, I feel way more up to handling the much, much, much tamer real life scenarios.

Being a cam model may not have ended up being for me, but I don't regret a thing.

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Top 5 Tinder Turn Ons

They work on me, and they might just work on the girl of your dreams.

We've already gone through what not to do with your Tinder profile - but we have yet to answer another important question. What should you have on your Tinder profile? Is there some bulletproof secret that will have all the girls swiping right on you?

Unfortunately I can't call them bulletproof, but I do have some tips that would definitely encourage me to swipe right and even message you first (wow, right?).

1. Um, animal pictures? Hello?
If you don't already have a picture of the family pet in your Tinder bio, you clearly haven't been on the internet for the last 10 years. Chicks love cute animals. While this isn't universal, every girl I'm friends with will swipe right for the sake of a kitten or adorable dog. Even I use this to attract guys! One of my pictures is of the family cat - who doesn't even live in the same city as me.

Animals are a great conversation starter. You would be amazed (or maybe not) by how many first messages are along the lines of "that cat is so adorable". For girls who have a cat picture, this can weed out some bad eggs as well. Those guys who use 'pussy cat' for some sort of play on words? They're probably not worth responding to.

Get creative - if there's a dog involved, you could always say that you're taking your dog to a local park for a walk, and invite her along...

2. An odd picture.
Let me just say that some things are too odd. Use your judgement. What I mean here is that it should be intriguing enough that someone might swipe right just to hear the story behind it, but not be so weird that it earns an immediate swipe left. Maybe if you dressed like this at one point?

I've gotten a guy dressed up in jean short shorts and a crop top, with a few other accessories. Since he was dressed as your typical cisgender dude in the rest of his pictures, it led me to wonder what the occasion was. That picture earned a swipe right from me and a first message complimenting him on his outfit (although he never responded, sigh).

My friend once got a guy who had a picture of him with someone in a full Spiderman bodysuit clinging to him. She actually went on a date with the guy and learned that apparently, it was his ex-girlfriend who had shown up at his prom. I'm not entirely clear on why she showed up in a Spiderman costume, but from what my friend could tell they were on decent terms... some kind of joke? It makes for an interesting story in any case.

3. A bio that is actually filled out.
This might just be me, but even if I'm only looking for someone to hook up with I want to know we have something in common. Whether that's a love for adventure or a love for Netflix, I want to know before I swipe right. I'll admit that I give some people the benefit of the doubt - but if you have too few pictures and no bio, byeeee.

A lot of great conversations have started because I've commented on something in a match's bio. You have to actually have something in your bio for that to happen -- and no, "Currently studying ______ at _______, hit me up!" does not count. Tell me you're a nerd if you are. If you're all about hiking, tell me that. Just give me something, some tidbit about your life that could lead me to swipe right and give me a conversation starter.

4. Pictures of you doing fun stuff!
I am soooo guilty of not doing this, mainly because I don't do fun stuff. I only have selfies and a cat picture on my Tinder bio. But if you happen to be more adventurous than me, post those pics!

I'm so much more likely to start a conversation with someone who has pictures from that time they went skydiving or backpacked Germany. Even if you've only been in the area around where you live, put up some pictures of when you went hiking or to the lake with the fam. You're instantly 10 times more interesting to me if you have something other than selfies and pictures of your truck on your bio. Just make sure to pass on the hunting pictures.

Also, don't worry if your active pictures were taken at a bad angle or you don't exactly look your best. No one can look great in every picture, it's just not possible, and some people never look good in pictures taken of them (me included). Post a few great selfies so that I know how attractive you really are, not that I would care about the double chin you had while lying down at the beach anyways.

5. Just make me laugh.
If you can make me laugh or wonder about you, you've got me. I'll swipe right. There are countless ways you can make someone laugh with something in your bio, but make sure you keep one thing in mind: don't just put what you think will attract the most women. Put something that reflects who you are.

Because even if hundreds of women swipe right on you, if they're not the right type of women what have you really gotten? Maybe someone to sleep with, but in my opinion it's a lot better to sleep with someone you can actually have a conversation with as well. Someone you can get along with. And even if you're not looking for more than a casual hookup, even that can be more meaningful if you have some common interests and go on a top-notch date first.

People who don't agree with your brand of humor can freely swipe left, and you'll both be better for it.

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Real Talk |  Source: L. Smith, Shutterstock

The Nudes Experience We All Know, But Don't Tell

Snapchat front cam changin the game.

OK, so is sending nudes just as stressful for other girls as it is for me? I mean, lights on lights off? On the bed? In the shower? Boobs or butt? I'm having anxiety just talking about it.

Sending nudes is basically an art form for women. By the end of it, you've wasted three hours of your life, used up all the space on your phone from the 7,200 pictures you took, and you've edited the shit out of it to the point where it might not even be you in that picture anymore.

Meanwhile, three seconds after you have sent your Mona Lisa of nudes, you receive a picture of what appears to be a one eyed monster connected to some boy's groin area. Not only are you now horrified, but you also feel like a stupid idiot for spending all that time on your pic, when he literally snapped one pic and just sent it. No filter, no nothin'.

A guy's nude is a very limited ballpark lacking nearly any amount of creativity. You very rarely receive a nude from a guy that is anything other than a picture of their dick, hence "dick pics". You don't get any abs, arms, nada. Just dick. If it's really your lucky day, you might get a hand holding it, but that's about the extent of it.

Sometimes, though, they'll bring objects into the mix. But no one wants to see the comparison of that remote and your dick, get that shit outta here. The disparity between a girl's nude and a guy's nude is huge. The thought that goes into it, the time it takes to take said photo, and typically the satisfaction each person receives from the picture is completely different.

A girl's nude is a perfected specimen, a guy's nude is a five second ordeal in the bathroom of Buffalo Wild Wings.

So will us women ever be able to stop being psychos about our nudes, and will guys ever start having a single care in the world about their penis photography skills? I mean, we all know these struggles of nudes, but we never talk about it. Like, someone please tell the male population to do better, and girls, let's all just tell ourselves we will chill out (even though we all know we won't).

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Real Talk |  Source: N. Leeper, Shutterstock

The Struggles Of Being A Girl

Having a penis doesn't sound so bad sometimes.

Being a girl has its perks, but let's be real here, it has a ton of downsides.

Don't get me wrong, I love being a girl and getting dressed up and having it be socially expectable to order a fruity drink at the bar, but sometimes I wish I could just leave the house in basketball shorts or be able to pee anywhere I want (without getting caught obviously).

Here are some other problems I wouldn't mind not having in my life anymore:

1. Getting pissed about absolutely nothing on your period.

2. Almost peeing yourself because you can't get your romper off fast enough.

3. Being paranoid that everyone can see up your skirt (and see your ass) while walking up stairs.

4. Being pissed about chipped nail polish.

5. Having an internal conflict with yourself on whether or not you can go another day without washing your hair.

6. Or, for that matter, trying to remember when the last time was that you washed your hair.

7. Having to shave your entire body before a date.

8. Driving with the windows down in your car and ruining your hair.

9. Having to spend a shit ton of money on stupid bras (and stupid makeup and stupid tampons and stupid hair products... the list can go on and on).

10. Getting hit on by creepers. "Can I have yo number?"

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Real Talk |  Source: N. Leeper, Shutterstock

How To Tell Who Was A Horse Girl As A Kid

Or still is one.

Everybody knew a horse girl growing up. If you didn't know a horse girl, you were the horse girl.

If you forget what a horse girl was (I don't know how you could ever forget), they were the crazy cat lady of horses, even if they didn't actually have a horse. They talked only about horses, liked to gallop, pretended to be a horse at playtime and had ponies at their birthday parties.

Maybe they did some equestrian activities after school. If they did, you sure as hell heard about it.

As we grew up, some grew out of their horse-loving tendencies, but I like to say that you can always tell who was a horse girl. No matter how hard they try to hide their pony-filled pasts, there's always telltale signs, slips that reveal their former natures.

As somebody whose close friend was a horse girl growing up, I like to think that I've developed a knack for detecting who used to gallop around the playground at recess.

If you suspect that somebody might have been a horse girl, here's a handy list of signs and a scoring guide (out of 100 points) to check thy neigh-bor:

1. Their gait.

When they've galloped enough as a child, chances are that their steps are still pretty bouncy, but firm. Perhaps they favor one leg. If you've ever seen them run, it's probably lowkey more of a gallop than an actual run.

I can't even make this up.

Add 30 points if they have a horse-like walk.

2. They've seen every Flicka movie.

Every horse girl has seen Flicka. Whether it's now their favorite movie or not, if somebody casually mentions that they watched Flicka as a kid, they were totally a horse girl. This is also applicable to Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron, Dreamer and The Black Stallion. I never even watched any of these and I could've probably given you an overview of each film.

Add 10 points for every one of these movies they've mentioned seeing.

3. They weren't too into My Little Pony...

I don't know if it's because it destroyed the sanctity of their horses, but horse girls didn't really care for the My Little Pony franchise. Maybe it was the weird colors. If somebody exhibits other signs that are on this list and mention not liking MLP, they were totally a horse girl.

Add 20 points if they say they didn't like MLP. Subtract 20 points if they say they did.

4. ...But they do love Bojack Horseman.

An anthropomorphic horse man is probably a horse girl's wet dream.

Add 15 points if they say they like Bojack Horseman. Add 40 if they say, "He's kinda hot in a weird way."

5. They use Mane 'n Tail.

I can't possibly imagine what would make them do that. I really, really wonder.

Add 10 points if they use Mane 'n Tail.

6. They were traumatized by The Godfather.

If the words, "The Godfather scared me," come out of their mouth, they were definitely a horse girl.

Add 30 points if they were scared of The Godfather (50 if they still are).

7. They love(d) Bullseye from Toy Story

Everybody liked Jessie, but if they love Bullseye, or even had a Bullseye toy, they were totally a horse girl. He was cute and all, but he wasn't fave material (that goes to Slinky).

Add 20 points if they express that Bullseye was their fave.

8. They didn't make fun of the horse dating sim.


If they laughed awkwardly at this, or didn't say anything at all, they were definitely a horse girl.

Add 40 points if they don't write this game off as really, really weird.

9. There are pictures of them with a horse or pony when they were a kid.

If they had a pony or horse at a birthday party, chances are they were a horse girl. If they owned one, they were definitely a horse girl.

Add 40 points if they had a pony or horse at a birthday party. Add 100 points if they owned a pony or a horse.

Scoring reference:

Now let's see how the scores stack up. This is the crux of your research, the time to find out if this person truly was a horse girl growing up.

0-20 points: Probably not a horse girl. Just some scattered interest here and there.

20-40 points: Probably horse girl-adjacent, had a horse girl best friend but didn't actually like horses that much themselves.

40-60 points: Most likely a horse girl. Has many tendencies and interests that align with core horse girl values. Still some margin of error here, though.

60-80 points: Almost certainly a horse girl. Too many things are lining up here for it to be coincidence, but there's still some whispering doubts in the very back of your head.

80+ points: This person was absolutely, 100 percent a horse girl. They came out of the womb galloping, and honestly, they're probably proud of their horse girl pasts. They might even still go see horses from time to time or do whatever horse girls do.

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Pizza Girl Wins Kiss Cam

I feel like we should be friends.

If you're like me, and you only go to sporting events for the Kiss Cam, mascot races, and the hot dogs, then it's your lucky day, my friends, because this chick just slayed the kiss cam, with just two pieces of pizza and sheer creativity.

As for the pizza-loving chick in the vid, I really feel like we should be friends. Your friend in this video clearly does not appreciate your talents. Are you on Bumble BFF?