Calling All Cannabis Virgins
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Calling All Cannabis Virgins

Everyone deserves a good first time.

In the honor of April 20, the birth date of marijuana, when this fine specimen was discovered all those centuries ago by Christopher Columbus himself, we're breaking down how to go about losing your ganja v-card.

Just like any other first time, it's sure to be a cherished, or cringe-worthy, memory to last a lifetime. And like any other first adventure, if done wrong, it can be truly scarring, so let's light this thing up right.

First and foremost, if you don't want to smoke, you don't have to, even if you have no reason at all other than simply having no interest. More kudos to you for saving yourself a few thousand calories worth of munchies and a few more dollars in your disposable income to spend on more important things like... textbooks.

Alright that probably got rid of 'em... now we can talk about the good stuff.

The golden rule in smoking, which took far too many of us far too long to realize, is that you want to be with your people. Not the stoner on your floor who has a different drug rug for every day of the week.

Not the hot seniors who asked if you wanted to join and now your only options are complying or become the school narc. Not even your party friends, you know, the ones whom you tell you love when you're blackout but have never spent a waking minute with in the light of day. Yeah, not them either.

No, you want to be with you squad, your homies, your best ~buds~ you might even say.

There are many reasons for this. For one, weed can get really weird really fast. You want to be able to take it slow and ride that good wave without any pressure to do more than you need, or judgement for being a one hit wonder (that's me!).

You want to be in a crew where passing on your turn to puff puff pass won't elicit scoffs, nudges, or anything other than a gratefulness that there's now more pot for everyone else.

The second reason to surround yourself with people you trust is your paranoia will set in pretty darn quickly. There are some lucky souls out there that don't feel this side effect, but for the rest of you, be prepared to think everyone, I mean everyone, is looking at you.

You don't want to be with a group of people who you're worried about impressing or fitting in with, because whether you're making a fool of yourself or being completely normal, little Mary Jane in your head can have you convinced that you've just become to social pariah.

Don't worry, you're not.

Next, the best part of being high, in my opinion, is the giggles. Don't waste this beautiful experience on scrolling through your newsfeeds or texting your buddies. All it takes is some good ol' conversing and the breath gasping, side splitting, better than you've ever experienced gigs are sure to follow. If you're all alone just search "how is prangent formed," it's guaranteed to be the funniest shit you've ever seen.

Obviously, last but not least is the FOOD. The more you smoke, the less you're affected by the munchies, so take advantage of this stage where every food is the best food ever. Have those snacks ready to go, because the last thing you want to do when you're fried is try to talk to a delivery man at your door and figure out how to sign a receipt. Trust me.

So my young stoners, take advantage of the holiday, and celebrate it the way Aunt Mary intended. And just remember, until you're ready for your mind to be blown and to never look at the world the same way.

Avoid Animal Planet at all costs.

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Mind-Blowing Documentaries to Watch High

Because without this guide, you'll spend all night just deciding what to watch.

Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey
Be prepared to get royally mind-fucked with this docuseries. In Cosmos, Neil deGrasse Tyson takes you all over the universe to discuss scientific phenomena new and old. Created by Seth MacFarlane, and a follow up to the 80's series with Carl Sagan, this docuseries will spark weeks worth of debate amongst you and your smoke circle about everything from aliens to black holes. A must-watch.

Chelsea Does Drugs
By far the best part is when Chelsea Handler is in Peru, because holy shit. No, literally. She does a drug so strong that she actually shits her pants while also puking. The drug is called ayahuasca, and it caused Chelsea and her friends to cry because they were reliving some deep emotional shit. Ayahuasca is known for making people discover their life's purpose and meaning, or realize revelations about the universe as we know it. The real challenge is watching it high without planning a trip to Peru yourself, or at least Googling how much it would cost to sip some of that tea.

Jiro Dreams of Sushi
This is for all the homies out there who suffer from Severe Munchies Syndrome. You will step into the world of Jiro, apparently the best sushi chef in the world, and watch him meticulously craft the world's most perfect sushi dishes. It's about more than just sushi, it's about a man's dedication to his work. And good luck not ordering sushi after this, by the way.

Cartel Land
This shit is intense as fuck so it's not for anyone who gets paranoid while high. That being said, hands-down the best documentary I've ever seen. The filmmakers make their way to the front lines of the Mexican drug war and show the vigilantes who are fighting back against people like El Chapo. Follow it up with Sicario, a film that centers on the United States' response to the drug war. It's equally as suspenseful and mind-blowing.

This is a movie that every stoner has probably seen, so it's a no-brainer to include it on this list. Snoop Dogg smokes a lot of weed and takes you on a "spiritual journey." Basically required for anyone who likes smoking or Snoop, which is pretty much everyone, so I guess everyone should watch it.

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Perfect Things to Do When You're High

May or may not involve food.

Chances are, while you're in college someone is going offer you a puff of marijuana. If no one offers this to you, you're probably not hanging out with the right people.

I'm kidding. Be a good friend to your buddies whether they smoke weed or not. Trust me, it's easy to get away from your sense of self when you get to college, and being a good friend is really important.

Anyway, you can be a good friend to your non-stoner friends and still befriend stoners. What will you and your stoner friends do once you're high? Read on to find out.

Don't eat at all. (Just kidding, go to the dining hall immediately.)
Seriously. Go to your dining hall. We're talking about the unlimited supply of already-paid-for, buffet-style food.

What could be better for a high college student than rows and rows of pizza, prepared hot meals, soups, sandwiches, and French fries? Nothing. The answer is nothing.

Roll in with your crew of high friends, grab a huge, round table, and have at it.

Warning: you may experience anxiety when exposed to so many non-high people, like for instance the person you hooked up with last weekend who keeps trying to force eye contact from across the room.

Just remember that you don't look out of the ordinary; you're experiencing time much slower than everyone else, and no one is judging you. They're too busy worrying whether you're judging them.

Play with puppies.
Quick, hit up your friend who has a puppy/dog/whatever and see if they will let you play with their dog. There is literally nothing more fun than playing with a puppy while high. Their cuteness, playfulness, and puppy-ness is magnified. Once you get your hands on that little ball of fur, your mood will soar. Nothing can make a high college student happier than puppies - not even the dining hall.

Go to the movies.
Preferably, a 3D IMAX movie. Nothing can make the plot of a movie pop like some marijuana. Even if you're too high, all you have to do while you're in a movie is sit there and not talk. It's the perfect activity.

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A Crash Course in Recreational Drugs

Never eat more pot brownies if you "don't feel it yet." Don't.

Editor's Note: FlockU does not condone illegal drug use. However, we feel the same about talking about drugs as we do sex: It's better to practice awareness than abstinence. So prepare to get educated.

College is a time for experimentation, with other people and with yourself. You've finally managed to drink away the images you saw in D.A.R.E., so the time is right to grow up and do some drugs.

I know, I know, you've been smoking pot since you were 16, and smoking weed in college is pretty standard.

But I'm talking about doing hard drugs in college. Obviously, you should never do anything you're not comfortable with, but if you want a little more information on what drugs to try in college, this is the first step to making an informed and adult decision. To do drugs!



So far during my career of doing hard drugs in college, this seems to be the second most popular drug around. Which was surprising to me, because it basically sounded like an instant death when I was growing up. Then I tried the stuff and found out it's actually really fun. You basically feel invincible for 45 minutes and then your throat is kinda sore. This is definitely a drug to try in college.



Wait. Maybe this is the second most popular drug. There's not exactly a fucking poll going around, so I'm basing this on my own experience. Molly is a drug that makes you want to dance and party and touch people and have fun and then you wake up the next morning and want to die. But that goes away, and for me, the high was totally worth the low (that's what makes it a hard drug, college boys and girls). Plus, you'll never be a better dancer than when you're on Molly!



This is definitely the drug I enjoyed the least. Maybe it's because I had a terrible bad trip and thought I died, so I definitely don't see the appeal. I've heard people talk about how it makes you feel more open and creative, but all I felt was that I died. And that sucks. A lot. If you want to try this drug in college, but not do a full tab, you can put it in a plastic water bottle, let it dilute, and then drink half of it for a good partial dose.


Remember, the decision to do drugs is yours and yours alone. People can die from taking drugs or from their actions while on said drugs, so take them at your own risk. You shouldn't do it because of your significant other, your friends, or because you read an article written by some asshole.

All I want to say is that the choice to do hard drugs in college isn't necessarily the wrong one. There's nothing wrong with wondering what drugs to try in college. Experiment, my fellow college kids, or forever wish you did. Just think of how many more games of "Never Have I Ever," you'd lose?

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High There! The Puff Puff Pass Playlist

Let freedom (blow) rings.

Whether you're the group stoner or you want to try out weed for the first time, this is the playlist for you. Get high with a little help from your friends and expand your mind. Allow your heightened senses to feel the music and get lost in the beat. Trust me, this playlist is a good highdea (at least better than combining Snyder's Buffalo Wing Pretzels with vanilla ice cream when you have the can also trust me on this).

Side note: I was sorry to hear Arizona voted recreational cannabis down. But, let's be honest, you have an outrageous amount of babes at all of your colleges. You can't have all the nice things in the world.

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5 Things You Didn't Know About Drug Tests But Should

They're not just checking you for marijuana.

Most people, at any point in time, might have to take a drug test; whether it be for a job, admission to a certain school, for a sports team, or a volunteer position. Whatever the case may be, drug screenings are becoming a necessity in the process of doing anything in society.

Many people think they can slide by a drug test and not have any consequences, and others might just assume that they're no big deal because they'll pass with flying colors. But there are some things about drug screenings that you might not know that you probably should. Especially if you're an occasional smoker who might get tested, you'll want to know some of these lesser known facts about drug tests.

Three strikes and you're out.
This is a harsh fact that I personally learned when I was being screened one time. I went into the clinic knowing for certain that I had to go pee, but one try came, and then the second try, and still nothing.

The nurse then told me that I had one more chance, and that she would have to fail me if I wasn't able to go. Needless to say, I burst into tears. So beware, you have three chances or three hours, whichever comes first (I passed, btw).

Drug screening doesn't always mean urine tests.
Urine tests aren't the only method for screening for drugs. In fact, you can also do a blood test, saliva test, sweat test (ew), and even a hair test. They all can trace drugs up to a certain point, but urine tests are usually the easiest and show the most results.

They don't only look for marijuana.
No, they don't collect your urine to only test for one type of drug at a time. They have machines that can actually screen urine for 10 drugs at once (called a 10-panel drug screen). They look for marijuana, cocaine, amphetamines, PCP, opiates, hallucinogens, inhalants, and even MORE if they have reason to.

Consuming ridiculous amounts of ridiculous things does nothing for you.
Maybe you think you have success using things like Niacin or vinegar, but it's probably a certain coincidence. Drink or eat anything you want in bulk, but it may not change the results from the drugs you've done.

The results don't lie.
Don't even try to argue against a positive drug test. There's no chance that the machine or screening agent will get it wrong. What's there is there, and the incidence of a false positive is as small as your chance of getting that new job.

Do the smart thing and refrain from doing drugs for a long while if you know for certain you will be screened in the near future. And even more appropriate, stop doing illegal drugs altogether. Decide what's more important for you, and go from there.