In the honor of April 20, the birth date of marijuana, when this fine specimen was discovered all those centuries ago by Christopher Columbus himself, we're breaking down how to go about losing your ganja v-card.
Just like any other first time, it's sure to be a cherished, or cringe-worthy, memory to last a lifetime. And like any other first adventure, if done wrong, it can be truly scarring, so let's light this thing up right.
First and foremost, if you don't want to smoke, you don't have to, even if you have no reason at all other than simply having no interest. More kudos to you for saving yourself a few thousand calories worth of munchies and a few more dollars in your disposable income to spend on more important things like... textbooks.
Alright that probably got rid of 'em... now we can talk about the good stuff.
The golden rule in smoking, which took far too many of us far too long to realize, is that you want to be with your people. Not the stoner on your floor who has a different drug rug for every day of the week.
Not the hot seniors who asked if you wanted to join and now your only options are complying or become the school narc. Not even your party friends, you know, the ones whom you tell you love when you're blackout but have never spent a waking minute with in the light of day. Yeah, not them either.
No, you want to be with you squad, your homies, your best ~buds~ you might even say.
There are many reasons for this. For one, weed can get really weird really fast. You want to be able to take it slow and ride that good wave without any pressure to do more than you need, or judgement for being a one hit wonder (that's me!).
You want to be in a crew where passing on your turn to puff puff pass won't elicit scoffs, nudges, or anything other than a gratefulness that there's now more pot for everyone else.
The second reason to surround yourself with people you trust is your paranoia will set in pretty darn quickly. There are some lucky souls out there that don't feel this side effect, but for the rest of you, be prepared to think everyone, I mean everyone, is looking at you.
You don't want to be with a group of people who you're worried about impressing or fitting in with, because whether you're making a fool of yourself or being completely normal, little Mary Jane in your head can have you convinced that you've just become to social pariah.
Don't worry, you're not.
Next, the best part of being high, in my opinion, is the giggles. Don't waste this beautiful experience on scrolling through your newsfeeds or texting your buddies. All it takes is some good ol' conversing and the breath gasping, side splitting, better than you've ever experienced gigs are sure to follow. If you're all alone just search "how is prangent formed," it's guaranteed to be the funniest shit you've ever seen.
Obviously, last but not least is the FOOD. The more you smoke, the less you're affected by the munchies, so take advantage of this stage where every food is the best food ever. Have those snacks ready to go, because the last thing you want to do when you're fried is try to talk to a delivery man at your door and figure out how to sign a receipt. Trust me.
So my young stoners, take advantage of the holiday, and celebrate it the way Aunt Mary intended. And just remember, until you're ready for your mind to be blown and to never look at the world the same way.
Avoid Animal Planet at all costs.