Top 5 Beach Blunders
Real Talk |  Source: L. Smith, Shutterstock

Top 5 Beach Blunders

Everybody has a beach horror story.

Hitting the beach is a mandatory part of the summer. It doesn't matter if you're staying at a resort or if your budget has you limited to Ocean Shitty, because when it comes down to it, just lying in the sand and taking a dip is all you really need.

Once you're at the beach though, it seems like there's no limit to what can happen. There's the classic "my bikini top fell off" moment that almost everyone has gone through (right?) and for my fellow fair-skinned friends, that one blistering burn we'll never forget.

But, I asked my friends for their serious blunders at the beach... and these were some stories they were brave enough to share that no amount of aloe vera could relieve you from:

1. Burnt Bum
I can turn tan eventually, but I always need that "base burn," especially for those areas that never see the light of day. Tanning while on my stomach for a few hours, I woke up to find my ass absolutely lobstered with finger streaks from my half assed (literally) sunscreen job. I wouldn't let my bf touch me for a week.

2. Sandy Situation
I forgot to do a real shave before going out, so I quickly dry razored it before heading out in my bikini. I naturally swam around in the salt water... but days later I noticed a massive, painful red bump at my bikini line that grew into a cyst... I had no idea what it was - turns out, I had sand get inside an ingrown hair.

3. Puppy Probz
My family decided to take a vacation together to the beach, and we brought our brand new puppy, who was still going through the "chews everything in her path" phase. She got inside my bag when I was out and chewed out the crotch in my two way-overpriced bikinis. I was horrified.

4. Passed Out/Up Opportunities
Senior week I was hardcore trying - key word, TRYING - to flirt with my crush. To up my confidence, I drank far too much. Combination of dehydration and the heat, I both puked and passed out on the beach in front of everyone. He ended up getting with my friend instead that night.

5. Birthday Suit
I was renting a beach house with my friends and a group of guys were staying a few houses down from us. I started flirting with one guy in particular, and we went out one night, but the tide was strong. It ripped off my suit entirely, and I didn't know what to do, so I bolted to my house naked and couldn't bear to show my face again to him.

6. Can't Cover Up That Mark
While I was sleeping, my friends made a sunscreen penis on my face. I had to put on a shit ton of makeup on to show my face at work for a week straight.

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Real Talk |  Source: FlockU, Shutterstock

Getting Over An Embarrassing Moment

I am still alive after all of my embarrassing moments.

If you knew me, you'd know my life was a never-ending saga of embarrassing stories. Perhaps worst of all, was this incident.

A boy I had a sustained thing with, Ben, invited me to his Christmas formal. He was leaving for a semester abroad in January, so this would be the last time I saw him until the next school year.

During the night, we played drinking golf, which means a different drink every hour. Rum and coke, then Gin and Tonic, then wine, then Long Island Ice Tea, then tequila shots, then Bloody Mary's. I blacked out after the Bloody Mary, so it's entirely possible there were more rounds.

Either way, I didn't make par. He helped me to his bed in the fraternity house (before the formal finished) when I felt sick. When he returned later to check on me, I had thrown up all over his bed and myself. The next morning I got up at 6 AM and snuck the fuck out.

Later that day, a friend with a boyfriend in that fraternity texted me saying, "You got sick in Ben's bed??!" I hadn't told anyone except my roommates, so I asked her how she knew. "There was an email on the fraternity listserv with things overheard at formal. One of the things said, 'Ben why are you sleeping on the couch in the middle of formal?'

'Because my date vommed all over my room.'"

So, yes, an entire fraternity knew I massacred Ben's bed with vomit. And that was the last I saw Ben for nine months. Yet, here I am, alive and (sort of) thriving.

Whether your embarrassing moment is big (like this) or small, you'll survive too. If you need help getting over the initial shock and reverberations of an awkwardly distressing incident, this is my tried and true manual.

When it happens, relax.
Don't overreact right when it happens. Don't cry, force weird laughter, run away, or exaggeratedly call it out. This makes an even bigger deal of the situation. Take a deep breathe, acknowledge it casually with a small laugh and a "sorry about that," "oops" "that was embarrassing," or "I'm a doof," and move on.

Realize it's probably not as embarrassing as you think.

I get embarrassed really easily, but when I mention the distressing moments to my friends they don't understand the big deal. I realized when I consider similar incidents with others, I don't think it's as embarrassing.

We are harshest on ourselves and also much more aware of everything that happens to us (because it's our lives). So, know that you're the only one who observed and vividly remembers all the details and deems it as embarrassing.

Stop analyzing it.
We have a tendency to repeatedly play embarrassing moments in our heads. And not just replay, but analyze the situation with scrutiny.

You think about what you could've done to prevent it, how you could've reacted better, what everyone else thought of it then and now. Stop it. The only thing continuously replaying and analyzing the moment does is makes you cringe more.

Know this too shall pass.
Think about all the times you wanted to change your name and move far away so that you didn't have to face the aftermath of an accidental indiscretion. But you didn't (and not just because you didn't want to have to deal with going to the DMV to change your license).

You lived to tell the tale and you're more than perfectly fine. With time, this too will turn into a memory that's probably pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of life.

Reach out to friends.
Whenever I get really embarrassed, I turn to my friends. They are good at reassuring me of all the things I've mentioned above (that it's actually not that big of a deal, to stop thinking about it, and that I'll get over it soon).

They also usually send me back embarrassing stories about themselves and how they've survived. These stories help me realize I'm human and it's expected that sometimes I'm a little stupid, like all my other fellow humans.

Learn from the incident.
Every uncomfortable moment is an opportunity to grow. It's a chance to think about how you deal with adversity and consider ways to strengthen this process.

If the embarrassing moment was caused by a not so wise decision, reflect. If it was drinking related, should you reconsider how you drink? If you messed up in class, are there avenues to prevent future similar mistakes? Can you work on your interactions with people? Use the momentary cringing to learn.

Find humor in the situation.
If you consider the situation from a different perspective, it's probably at least a bit funny. Finding the humor helps you better internalize the normal reality of it all and get over it.

Plus, it makes for good stories. When I recount stories of my uncomfortable encounters, people tend to feel more comfortable with me because they realize I'm a real person who makes mistakes and looks silly.

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Real Talk |  Source: N. Leeper, FlockU

5 Books You Should Power Through This Summer

Knowledge is power.

Need a back-up plan for any lazy days this summer, or do you just want to find a great beach read? Here are five page-turners guaranteed to pique your interest.

1. Hidden Figures: The American Dream and the Untold Story of the Black Women Mathematicians Who Helped Win the Space Race
Haven't seen the movie Hidden Figures? Reading the book is the next best thing. Hidden Figures: The American Dream and the Untold Story of the Black Women Mathematicians Who Helped Win the Space Race, details the remarkable achievements of African American mathematicians called into service during the second World War.

Working in an all black computing group and segregated from their white counterparts, Dorothy Vaughan, Mary Jackson, Katherine Johnson, and Christine Darden still managed to help NASA win the space race without buckling under the pressure. How's that for inspiration?


2. How to Be a Bawse: A Guide to Conquering Life
How to Be a Bawse: A Guide to Conquering Life is a hilarious collection of stories from Lilly Singh's own life meant to give readers a leg-up on becoming the most confident, successful, and happy "bawse" you can be. This isn't your typical how-to book, as Lilly places more stock in fighting tooth and nail for what you want instead of silently slaving away in hopes of catching a big break.

By the time that you finish this, you'll be more than ready to take on all summer has to offer.


3. I'm Judging You: The Do-Better Manual
With quirky opinions on everything from social media and cultural obsession, to rampant drama in the televised world, Luvvie Ajayi gives her unique perspective on the increasingly digital lives that we all lead.

I'm Judging You: The Do-Better Manual is a collection of candid truths about modern day conundrums and a how-to for those of us who tread lightly when on the subject of pop-culture.


4. Nasty Women
Have you ever heard the term "nasty woman"? Well, the myriad of contributors who helped pen this book sure have, and are definitely making the most of it. Nasty Women is a collection of essays and accounts on what it's really like to be a woman in the 21st century.

Inequality, sexual assault, racial divides, immigration, and much more are explored amid this in-depth feminine viewpoint of modern society.


5. It Gets Worse: A Collection of Essays
Shane Dawson, a popular YouTube personality, has come back with another hilarious collection of essays detailing even more stories about his personal life that are sure to have you snorting with laughter. It Gets Worse: A Collection of Essays is another shining example of Shane's quirky sense of humor.

From hiring psychics to being at odds with celebrities, Shane inspires everyone to keep it real by divulging his most relatable moments. Caught within the clutches of a dull day this summer? This book is sure to liven it up.


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Real Talk |  Source: FlockU, Shutterstock

Car Horror Stories

Warning: lots of bodily fluid.

That sweet glorious day we got our license was our first taste of *freedom* and independence. It was beautiful, but not quite fully appreciated.... until we owned our first car.

Let's be honest with ourselves; we all grew a deep connection with our first car. Maybe you even named yours; mine was Babe, a 2001 Ford Escape in an obnoxious cherry red, easily spotted from across the parking lot. That tank of a car had been with me through the thick and thin, but did I do a number on it? Absofreakenlutely.

Despite the love we have for our car, we all have our own horror stories- some definitely worse than others. Here are just a few to share with you, because it just feels nice knowing we're not the only one to have bad luck [or just try plain stupid shit] in our cars.

Or, you could join Zipcar and never have to worry about any of the headaches like insurance, gas or having a dirty car, but I digress.

bluntblonde, 23
I'd had my car and license for a grand total of a month before I got into a serious accident involving the entire left backside of a cargo truck smashing into my passenger side. My life seriously flashed before my eyes-- more at the fact I could never pay for the damages [worth more than my actual car]. Luckily it was the other guy's fault and insurance laws changed in my state that year so they didn't total my car.

Abby, 21
I was babysitting an eight year old who said she couldn't hold it for a 10 minute drive and I didn't believe her. Let's just say I tell all passengers to avoid the middle seat.

Sophia, 22
I had to go to an interview for a post-grad job and my car wouldn't start. Needless to say didn't get the job.

Jamie, 21
During Snowmageddon in DC, I was stupid and tried driving to get food. My car got stuck in between snowbanks and I had to escape through the window and ask strangers to shovel me out.

Lee, 20
Locked myself out of my car, with my wallet and phone also in the car. I had to flag down someone to call Triple A and wound up being two hours late for work.

Rylee, 20
I have a bad habit of paying for gas at $2 at a time. My car completely ran out of gas on an eight lane road while I was driving two friends. Luckily we were already on the side lane... but I got a ton of honks and was mortified forcing my friends to help with the push method.

Kate, 19
I let a friend borrow my car to pick up someone at the airport. When she came back, the whole bumper was banged in and she offered no explanation.

Ben, 21
Forgot I left a pair of cleats in my car after practice in the rain. When I went to use my car two days later, I couldn't breathe my car reeked so bad.

Manuel, 20
I had to deposit a check but couldn't find any parking spots, so I parked illegally thinking it would only be a few minutes. Came back and my car was towed.

Everyone has their own horror story about owning their own car. Prevent them from happening and just book a Zipcar.

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Real Talk |  Source: georgia.may.pj

Why You Should Have a Summer Fling as Told By a Guy

No, not just sex...

This is an inevitable experience and is one that we might as well embrace. There comes a time in each of our lives when we meet someone that ends up being our fling for the summer. You meet weeks before, in the middle of, or sometime towards the end of the summer. It's unexplainable why this happens to every single one of us, but that's how funny the universe is.

The summer fling is the spice to your summer. They take you on a ride to this other world that you never knew existed. It can be long walks on the beach, a restaurant that you've never been to that serves exotic martinis, or a different kind of spicy barbecue that never existed. The summer fling even begins to entertain you with some exotic skill that is difficult to not look at.

It's an individual that seems so out of this world that you can't believe they walked into your life. Not to mention, when you guys finally have sex, no matter what location you're at, you want to stay in the room, and have those moments over and over again.

If you want advice on what happens when you encounter a summer fling, the unanimous decision will be to get on the ride and never look back. Go on these exotic adventures and have the time of your life. Have stories to tell when it's time to meet up with your friends for lunch. Sit back on the sofa with a glass of wine, thinking about the next time you're going to meet this person, or talk to them on the phone. Let this person treat you like a character from one of those summer romance novels that hasn't been written yet.

However, don't expect this experience to go any further unless the two of you want to. Because once summer is over, that individual will disappear forever, or maybe until another summer. After all, just like Demi Lovato said in her song, "we're cool for the summer."

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Real Talk |  Source: hutch photography

I Hooked Up with an Amish Boy

It was an electrifying experience.

I was not expecting to meet an Amish boy that Christmas vacation. I certainly was not expecting Amish boys to be on the beach wearing Hollister and straw hats and sipping Bud Light. Loud pop music assaulted my ears. Sausages - I mean, men, surrounded the abandoned lifeguard station. Girls, Amish and English (the Amish term for non-Amish), were few and far between, with circles of men around them. Even in the heat, some of them wore the caps.

It was a Rumspringa party. Rumsprimga, which literally means, "running around", is a period of time in which teenagers of the Amish community decide whether or not to be baptized and continue to be Amish. Most of them choose to be Amish, but they also have some wild parties before they go back to the fold. I, being from a rural area, recognized the outfits.

Why was I at a Rumspringa party? There was not a lot to do in Sarasota for a young 22-year-old alternative girl. Walking the beach at night is inevitable. Drinking away Sarasota is also inevitable. If I could drink it away for free, then more power to me. Also, my brother kept bothering me to go to the party instead of sulking along the beach.

I stood next to the first vaguely attractive guy I found. Tall, early twenties, muscular but not huge.

I, in all my flirting expertise, knew the perfect opening line for such an occasion.

"Have you played any video games on Rumspringa yet?"

The boy looked at me. I must have been a strange creature. Green hair and a league of legends tee-shirt over patterned leggings. (Awed by my brilliant fashion choices, obviously.)


I took a long gulp of beer. "Oh man, you've got to try it! Skyrim is great! Never mind the beer and sex, it's video games that we've got. You'd love it. You can be a wizard. You can have a cool sword. You should come back to my hotel and play Xbox."

The boy in his blue jeans and long face gave me a long look.

"Do you want to go for a walk?"

Aha. I knew what this meant. I had played this game before.

To make an awkward conversation non-existent, we ended up on a sandy bench, me on top of him. Party-goers walked past us, but it was dark and no one seemed to care. He was remarkably like most college boys, hands all over the tits and ass with no other objective besides grope.

I said something cringe-y and domineering. His brown eyes got wide in the moonlight. I perched above him, whispering kinkshaming-worthy words into his ears, his hands slipping under my leggings and over my-

"Hey!" A drunker person than me stumbled over to us. "What are you guys doing?"

"What does it look like, bro?" I yelled. "Go away."

The strange man stumbled away. My partner was not feeling it. I didn't blame him. We sat at the bench for a while, watching the waves crash upon the shore. He nestled close to me.

"So uh. Wanna play some video games?"