#BestBootAndRallyStory Call Me Oscar the Grouch
College Life |  Source: N. Leeper

#BestBootAndRallyStory Call Me Oscar the Grouch

Head in a trash can, liver in a body bag.

I've been back home visiting family recently. One night I decided to hit up everybody from high school that I haven't talked to in four years to go to the bar. Naturally.

I pulled up to an Irish pub in my hometown and found some buddies at the bar. We got caught up for a little bit. Someone told an embarrassing story of things I may or may not have done in a branch campus bathroom. It was a good time.

Then somebody said the words that make me cringe just typing them.

"Three tequila shots, please."

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...you sadistic bastard.

Now, don't get me wrong. I never turn down a drink (especially when it comes with a lime and some salt), but I think we have all had run-ins with good ol' Tortilla Tequila.

Sometime she takes people's clothes off. Sometimes she makes people angry. I can tell you one thing for sure; she kicks my ass.

Every. Single. Time.

I take this this shot down and it hits me in the throat like a startled black belt. I licked the salt off my hand and go to bite down on the lime, and it slipped out of my hand at the last second. So now I'm just gagging like a girl trying to give head for the first time. I almost died.

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I have one or two or..seven more drinks after that, and I hear someone say words a little more pleasing than taking shots of lighter fluid.

"Let's play pong."

But this isn't regular water pong you would find at your average party. This is trash can pong, where solo cups and ping pong balls are replaced with trash cans and volleyballs. It's also commonly referred to as a recipe for disaster.

It took about three shots before my partner pulled a Christian Hackenberg and hit someone with a stray volleyball and knocked over his beer. He shot up like a pop tart out the toaster and yelled "HEY! ASSHOLE!"

My partner turns to me and goes "God dammit, do you think I should buy him a drink?"

I should probably mention I can turn into a bit of a dick when I'm drunk. So I fire back, "Nah dude, it's his fault for sitting by the trash can."

Then our buddy Schoolboy Cue Ball (he's losing his hair) came up and told us that if we did not buy that guy a drink, he was going to personally kick both of our asses. We called a time out, and my partner went over to the bar to buy the cheapest beer he could.

When he returned, it was the other team's shot.

You can call it chance, or the force of the universe or karma, but the fact of the matter is some days God smiles at you and other days he gives you the finger.

The girl on the other team shot the ball, and it bounced right off the rim of the trash can to hit me square in the face. My nose starts gushing blood. Her partner tries to pull a fast one on us and shoots before I can even yell out in pain. That ball also bounces off the rim and hits me right in the nads.

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I was blindsided, and the pain pushed me over the edge. I limped over and puked in the one trash can that coincidentally wasn't involved in our little game.

After I picked myself up and cleaned myself off, the other team came over, apologized profusely, and asked if I wanted to finish the game.

I thought of my favorite rapper, Lil Dicky. He recorded his album Professional Rapper while infected with pink eye and asked himself: what would Michael Jordan do?

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He would play through the pink eye.

So I got up and SPANKED that team with my partner and the next three teams that came up to challenge us. We didn't miss a shot.

Baller.

#BestBootAndRallyStory

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College Life | 

Leo Finally Wins An Oscar And The Internet

He waited a lifetime for these memes.

The world rejoices as Leonardo DiCaprio has finally secured his first Oscar win. One meme dies as another is born.

Welcome to a new era.

#Finally

Gaga passes on her illuminati powers, she's done with the spotlight.

Then there's this tweet ...

Never let go, Leo.

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College Life | 

Cigs and Booze

We explain this unlikely pairing.

Peanut butter and jelly, Kim and Kanye. They make sense. But why cigarettes and alcohol? How many times has someone said they don't smoke, only to follow that up with: "well, I only smoke when I drink"? Why is there such an urge to smoke cigarettes when we have a drink in the other hand? According to my very professional opinion, this is why: (No really, I'm a doctor).

Social pressure and the overwhelming desire to fit in. Monkey see, monkey do.

Addictive personalities: People who drink are much more likely to smoke and smokers are much more likely to drink.

The science behind it:

  • Nicotine and alcohol both increase dopamine levels.
  • Dopamine is a chemical in your brain that makes you feel really, really good.
  • When taken in conjunction, one substance increases the pleasurable effects of the other.

Hold the phone:

  • Tobacco slows down your digestive tract so more alcohol is digested, but less gets into the blood. This means you have to consume more alcohol to achieve the same buzz you would have without smoking.
  • Even though less alcohol reaches the brain, it doesn't mean you'll be any less hungover--the byproducts of the digestion of alcohol are still present.

Long term effects:

  • Consuming cigs and booze together over an extended period of time leads to to tolerance. With each use, more and more dopamine is needed to reach the desired effect--what once was enough to get you hammered barely gets you buzzed.
  • More drinking equals more calories consumed--and more money spent.
  • Both drugs--and they are drugs btw--have long-term consequences and serious health risks, including liver disease and cancer.

Plus, TBH smoking just looks really gross--You're sucking on something and blowing something else out. Suck and blow sounds a lot more like something you should be doing after the bar, not in it.

Smoking is very 2008. So move along, people.

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College Life | 

The Body Positivity Movement and You (Video)

"Is it OK to call someone fat?"

Marie Southard Ospina from Bustle is ushering in the body positivity movement with hard-hitting interviews and eye-opening facts on weight stigmas in the U.S. Ospina hits the streets of New York and defines what an ideal body type is, what the average American women looks like, and how damaging that comparison can be on one's self-esteem and confidence. Watch out world, because Ospina is tearing apart stereotypes, one pound at a time.

The media gives us ideals of what "health" and "beauty" look like, but those portrayals often mean straight, white, and thin--and exclude millions of people around the world. Media representation is more important than ever and can go a long way to making everyone feel comfortable in their own skin.

"It makes it harder to define what a perfect body is if there are so many out there," Ospina said.

Take that, Meghan Trainor.

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College Life |  Source: ebaumsworld.com

Are You A Shitty Housemate? (Quiz)

Dude, can you like take the trash out, ever?

Having a roommate, or several, is inevitable in college. Seriously, it's an easy way to save money and it's also pretty fun.

But, there's always that roommate that no one can stand. You know the type, the person that never remembers to clean the dishes, or invites way too many strange men over at all hours of the night.

Thinking you might be the worst roommate ever, or the best? Take this quiz to find out for sure!

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College Life | 

To Withdraw or Not to Withdraw?

Wanting to get a head start on your weekend is not a good reason.

Add/Drop: a fleeting vision, a whisper of a dream. Or, to be less dramatic, the week or so you get to fiddle with your schedule one last time before you lock in for real for the rest of the semester. After that, the consequences get slightly higher.

It's not exactly a zero; and it's not exactly an empty hole in your transcript. It's a flag saying, "Hey, this kid dipped out at some point." I did it one semester; and while you might feel like you need to as well, there are some things you should do and know about the process.

You need to talk to your teacher, advisor, and potentially a financial aid advisor to see exactly how a withdrawal will affect you. For example, withdrawing from a required course could cause problems with later registration because you don't have the prerequisite filled. On the financial side, losing that class could drop your GPA or credit count too low, and you could lose aid and scholarships, or lose your place in things like the honors program. And obviously, it can set you back a little bit in your degree progress, since you'll have to make up those credits at some point.

I'll make this clear now; withdrawals aren't done so you can have a free afternoon. They're done when there is a big, insurmountable conflict in your schedule, or for significant personal reasons. FYI: wanting to get a head start on your weekend is not a significant personal reason.

On a light-ish side, taking a withdrawal can mean avoiding an F, meaning that grade won't impact your overall GPA. It acts as if you took, say, four classes instead five. Typically, it's used as a way to dodge a failing grade, but you gotta pick up the slack in your other classes to compensate.

Honestly that's the best reason to withdraw: You are crashing and burning so hard that, mathematically, you will not pass, your GPA will take the hit, and you'll STILL have to retake it. Withdrawals can save your ass, but use them wisely.